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The Not-So-Serious Case Against Tyrion Lannister Surviving GAME OF THRONES

The Not-So-Serious Case Against Tyrion Lannister Surviving GAME OF THRONES

“Valar morghulis,” sure, but some people really have it coming. Like Tyrion Lannister.

Game of Thrones‘ wittiest character has entertained us over the years, but being funny doesn’t excuse away your sins, and no highborn noble lord in the Seven Kingdoms revels in his more than he does. Born into a family so rich his DNA is made of gold, he’s used his enormous advantages to make the world a better place for the common people. Kidding. No, he mostly used his wealth to visit every brothel and tavern in Westeros.

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Fond of power (but not the rule of law), Tyrion has never actually succeeded in the role, despite what he would like you to believe. This, of course, wouldn’t matter so much if Daenerys hadn’t just named him Hand of the Queen. But since she and her dragons are the only hope the living have of defeating the dead, Tyrion’s drunken, wildcard antics remain a serious threat to the realm, despite his recent “moral redemption.”

HE CORRUPTED POD

It’s one thing for him to be such a vile man, one with a penchant for telling inappropriate stories and jokes, but to introduce sweet, innocent Pod to his vices is unforgivable. Think about all the times he made Pod drink past any reasonable consumption. And that’s nothing compared to him introducing his young squire to the basest pleasures of the flesh at Baelish’s brothels, where we still don’t know what took place. What kind of devious did things did that young man experience there? Not to mention Pod isn’t even married!

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NO RESPECT FOR THE LAW

Oh, he thought the rule of law was just dandy when it worked out in his favor in the Vale, when Bronn was his victorious champion during a Trial by Combat. But when his next trial took place, for poisoning Joffrey, all he did was whine and whine about how unfair it was. Then, after his brother Jaime nobly caved to their father’s demands, sacrificing his own happiness to save Tyrion, he rewarded Jaime’s sacrifice by demanding another Trial by Combat. But when he lost that fair and square did he accept the results? No, he didn’t; he fled. Sure, he was technically “innocent,” but a noble man would have accepted the trial’s findings with dignity. Instead Tyrion might have ruined his entire family.

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KILLED HIS FATHER/POSSIBLY RUINED HOUSE LANNISTER

Kin-slaying/Kingslaying is strongly frowned upon in Westeros. Most folks consider it way out of bounds. But lawbreaking Tyrion still went ahead and put two arrows into his father Tywin (after killing Shae, who he had so cold heartedly sent away, don’t forget). He then fled to Essos, leaving House Lannister in the totally incapable hands of his sister Cersei. It took her about three days to screw everything up, leading to total ruin for her most important ally House Tyrell, and now she and Jaime are besieged by enemies on all sides. Great work, Tyrion.

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HE’S BAD AT RULING

Tyrion likes to claim that as Hand of the King he saved King’s Landing from Stannis, but he was rescued by the unexpected arrival of the combined forces of his father and the Tyrells. His little parlor trick with the wildfire just slowed Stannis down, it didn’t stop him. Tyrion’s boast about what he did at the Battle of Blackwater is equivalent to the popcorn vendor taking credit for the Golden State Warrior’s winning the NBA championship.

But surely his next chance to rule an ancient city went better, right? If you count making a deal with the least trustworthy people in the world to allow slavery to come back for seven years a success, then yes, absolutely. While Daenerys was away uniting every khalasar in the world, Tyrion was busy getting Meereen attacked, a major screwup he was only bailed out of because of the nice lady with the dragons.

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The stakes are even bigger now as she heads to Westeros, where the White Walkers are waiting. It will be a lot easier for her to defeat them if Tyrion isn’t around to binge-chug wine and try to negotiate a seven year phase out of turning babies into ice demons.

But what do you think? Is this a halfman-baked idea? Or is Tyrion a rule-breaking lush who deserves to answer for his crimes? Tell us what you think in the comments below.

Images: HBO

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