Minor league baseball teams are forever at the leading edge of culinary innovation. Bacon cheeseburger on a Krispy Kreme glazed? Gateway Grizzlies (although variations, like the Luther Burger, have been around for a while). Hot dogs in funnel cake? The Northwest Arkansas Naturals. A 4,889 calorie chili burger with chips and salsa ON the burger? West Michigan Whitecaps.
The latest addition to the pantheon of Minor League Baseball Things That Are Horrible For You To Eat is the Akron Aeros’ new menu item, Three Dog Night. Seven bucks, anywhere from 950 to possibly 3,300 calories, depending on who’s counting.
What is it? A hot dog inside a bratwurst inside a kielbasa, on a hoagie roll with sauerkraut and spicy mustard. The Turducken of ballpark hot dogs.
Hmm. Actually, that sounds… no, no, that’s just not right.
I know, these things are aimed at a certain demographic, the young male with a bunch of friends, the guy who’s prone to “hey, watch this!” stunts (“Dude, you’re not really gonna eat that… look, he’s eating it… DUDE! Awesome!”). And I do watch “Man vs. Food.” But these things should remain as interesting concepts. Just because it’s on the menu doesn’t mean you have to order it, much less eat it.
For more things you shouldn’t eat, please enjoy this gallery of extreme ballpark food. Pepto-Bismol not included.