close menu

When You’re At The Ballpark, Nobody’s Counting Calories

Minor league baseball teams are forever at the leading edge of culinary innovation. Bacon cheeseburger on a Krispy Kreme glazed? Gateway Grizzlies (although variations, like the Luther Burger, have been around for a while). Hot dogs in funnel cake? The Northwest Arkansas Naturals. A 4,889 calorie chili burger with chips and salsa ON the burger? West Michigan Whitecaps.

The latest addition to the pantheon of Minor League Baseball Things That Are Horrible For You To Eat is the Akron Aeros’ new menu item, Three Dog Night.  Seven bucks, anywhere from 950 to possibly 3,300 calories, depending on who’s counting.


What is it?  A hot dog inside a bratwurst inside a kielbasa, on a hoagie roll with sauerkraut and spicy mustard. The Turducken of ballpark hot dogs.

Hmm. Actually, that sounds… no, no, that’s just not right.

I know, these things are aimed at a certain demographic, the young male with a bunch of friends, the guy who’s prone to “hey, watch this!” stunts (“Dude, you’re not really gonna eat that… look, he’s eating it… DUDE! Awesome!”). And I do watch “Man vs. Food.” But these things should remain as interesting concepts. Just because it’s on the menu doesn’t mean you have to order it, much less eat it.

For more things you shouldn’t eat, please enjoy this gallery of extreme ballpark food. Pepto-Bismol not included.

HT: Ben’s Biz Blog at MLB.com, Darren Rovell at CNBC, Sports Illustrated, Waiting For Next Year

Comments

  1. Mark says:

    Yuck. Have tried Turducken (read an old Calvin Trillin article in the New Yorker on — a classic), but the best composite “dog” is a hot duck sausage with a foie gras core that I once at a restaurant in Domme in the SW of France. As Michelin would say “Worth the Detour”. Nahh

  2. Ana says:

    Holla from Holland, MI!
    A few summers ago my family of four plus the boyfriend went to a Whitecaps game and split the 5000 calorie burger between the five of us. We were all completely sated.

  3. Mr. Creosote says:

    Give me 10. And a bucket.

  4. Ryan says:

    I live right by the Grizzlies Park and for me the Krispy Kreme Burger Is something I treat myself to once every 6 months. Why?
    Because I’m American

  5. jaksplat says:

    There should be a slim jim inside the hot dog.

  6. Pandoras Lunchbox says:

    If you eat one of those, you’ll be singing “3,300 is the loneliest number.” Because you will be alone. Because you are disgusting.