Me. The me kind of person. It is a shameful secret I have kept buried inside my space war-, alien race-, FPS-loving soul — until now.
I could list the many, many reasons (But why should I when the internet will do it for me?) for my extreme meh Halo feelings (AND I KNOW THAT IS AN OXYMORON) but it really boils down to those stupid dwarf grub things and the Gremlins 2 flashbacks their ridiculous death gurgles induce. DO NOT WANT. I despised killing them in that little garden in ODST – hated the way it essentially forced an elite killing machine (me) to hunt lawn ornaments on a deserted planet. I just think an interstellar epic space battle fighting against an evil alien coalition called The Covenant and The Flood should oh I don’t know – NOT BE ABOUT MURDERING GIGGLING GNOMES.
Christ, it feels good to have come clean. I’ve been LYING all these years because I have been deathly afraid of the nerdrage, inevitable shunning, sammich demands, and possible McCarthy-esque blacklisting. But I can’t live like this any longer, you guys. Like Don Draper, I am tired of running*. I’m ready for your censure in the comments section. Go ahead – NOTHING CAN HURT ME ANYMORE! I AM FREE OF THIS TYRANNY! YOU HEAR ME BUNGIE? THAT IS THE SOUND OF ME SHAKING MY FIST AT YOUR SKY!
*Also like Don Draper, I enjoy a nice rum soaked breakfast food but that is neither here nor there.
Image: Crossways International