The crux of a news story and what is actually important doesn’t always correlate. Take this story for example, which on the surface is relevant because it’s about an elderly woman who accidentally crashed through the side of a popular Arby’s while trying to park her car. Sure, that’s worthy of a segment on the local news, but there’s something much more interesting going on here.
Don’t worry, none of the three people she hit died, or seemed to have been seriously injured, and the elderly woman was okay too. So yes, yes, that’s the news, but that’s clearly not what’s important here.
Cause get a load of this weird Arby’s guy!
No, seriously, this Dave Matthews Band quoting, Maysha-boss hating, roast beef smelling weirdo has a lot going on. “I don’t know” about him. When some old lady comes crashing into your Arby’s and your biggest regret is that she didn’t hit you, I don’t think you’re the guy I want making my large beef, the one I specifically requested with extra pickles.
A look of elderly blood lust spread across her wrinkled face, and it made me dare to think, perhaps this was no accident, perchance she was compelled; compelled to steer her beige battering ram into the house that beef built, driven not by force of this earth, but of an earth below, an earth that mirrors ours in almost every way, except the reflections are so much darker that many miles down. Some know the reflected realm to be the netherworld, others know it as the abyss, I know it as this shadow zone. A world where the blackness of our sin stares back at us and merely laughs–‘hahaha’–a world where god’s law governs no man.
I’ll just get a cheeseburger from Jack-in-the-Box next time.
Of course this is actually the latest video from Onyx the Fortuitous, Slayer of the Bright Realm, with Andrew Bowser once again in the role of the weirdest guy in the world. He’s been the weird guy responding to the Warcraft trailer, and the weirdest satanist, and now he’s turned a perfectly fine story of a poor old lady into the world’s most bizarre news interviewee.
What was your favorite “weird” insight in this video? Share it in the shadow land that is out comments sections.