A dolphin is a wet mammal that you can hug. Only very occasionally will they try to rape you. If you think of a dolphin like a dog, then a human is really just a large screaming leg.
Watch an all new Web Soup tonight at 5p/8p ET/PT immediately following Attack of the Show!
SPOILER ALERT: Some people get violated by dolphins on tonight’s show. Also, two words: PLACENTA BBQ. And if for no other reason, watch my voice give out throughout the show as I slide into laryngitis from a cold I got in Indiana last weekend. I’m literally squeaking by the end of the show. Which is probably why that dolphin tried to bone me. No cetacean court in the world would convict him because my high pitched squeaks and chirps, at least in dolphin, were asking for it but good!