It was only a matter of time before the trailer for Game of Thrones‘ fourth season was literal-ized, as YouTube’s Tobuscus is generally wont to do. Were you wary about the potential impending death of your favorite character(s) on the upcoming fourth season of HBO’s sweeping fantasy epic Game of Thrones, allow the sing-songy nature of this take on the trailer to lull you into a false sense of security regarding the bloodbathiest show on TV. That whole “Red Wedding” business was just the beginning, as you’ve hopefully gleaned at this point.
Those afraid of spoilers needn’t worry, though, as the medieval-chanted realities of Westeros’ current state of affairs keep any real details about the storyline skewed from view, in favor of video game references (Skyrim!), dragon commentary (Hark: a shadow approaches!), and woopsie-daisy jokes about Peter Dinklage’s height juxtaposed to new cast member Pedro Pascal’s. Pitting Dinklage’s Tyrion and Pascal’s newly arrived Oberyn Martell (also known as the Red Viper for fans of the series) — two big-time fan favorites — against one another in the height and suaveness department is just cruel, Tobuscus: It takes all kinds! Little or otherwise.
The real star of the whole thing, however, are the many pointed jabs at King of the Prattling Brats, Joffrey Baratheon, including his lack of appetite, whiny attitude, and general terribleness. Has there ever been a child more hated and mercilessly picked on in all of television? Maybe newly gold-handed Jaime Lannister can use his mustard sword to cut the new Mad King down to size a bit. Or get all those horses we saw to trample him. Or maybe have a dragon set his head on fire; you know, whatever’s feasible given the, uh, logistical constraints of his existence.
With a whole 74 days (but who’s counting?) to go before the April 6th premiere, there are plenty of reasons to fear (and be excited about) the fates of your favorite characters. And given that this being just the beginning of the promotional onslaught, there will be no shortage of images, videos, and context clues to obsess over until we’re positively purple in the face. As long as we get at least one more declaration of Jon Snow’s lack of insight and a reference to the impending Westerosi winter, our appetites should be sated.
Do you think the literal trailer nailed Game of Thrones? Let us know in the comments.