close menu

Want to Buy an iPud?

Matt Mira isn’t the only Matt who works for an electronics retailer. I give hours of my life selling all sorts of gadgets and toys to people – tourists who don’t speak any English mostly. Every few days a conversation like this takes place:

You can tell I think my job is cool by the way I'm leaning. Want to go on a date?

Hey, you. I’m sorry, but I’m with another customer. In one short moment I can give you my full attention. Thanks for your patience. But I need help. My iPod won’t work. Why can’t you help me now? Please, sir or ma’am. I just have to show them how to plug this cord into the usb port in their laptop. It will only take a second. (15 seconds go by.) Okay. Now what seems to be going on with your iPod? You know, it’s pretty damn insulting that I have to wait so long for some fucking help in this place. My iPod won’t work. Fix it. (I should point out that the iPod will be in their pocket or purse.) Well, is it not playing? Is the screen not lighting up? Is the click-wheel not responding? Is it something else? I don’t know. Do you have it on you? Here. (It will now take them longer to get it out than they had to wait.) I hate to break this to you, but this is a fake. That’s not possible. What makes you say that? Well, the screen is pixelated. Some of the words are spelled wrong. The body isn’t exactly the right dimensions. That’s why this case doesn’t fit correctly. Oh, and the Apple logo that was covered up on the back is at an angle. Where did you get this? Some guy sold it to me downtown. He only wanted $50 for it. If someone offers you a gadget on the streets that is one fifth of the retail price, never buy it. I can’t help you. I’m sorry. What am I supposed to do then? I’d buy a real one. Are you fucking kidding me? I just bought this yesterday. If you don’t want to purchase one, there is nothing I can do. I’m sorry. Now if you don’t mind, there is a kid pulling on my shirt yelling “Playstation 3” over and over again. He’s been there this entire time.


Designer bags and FUBU apparel knock-offs aren’t the only fakes floating around city streets. Junk electro-goods are becoming a goldmine for scammers everywhere, from Monster Beats to everything Apple. The city of Kunming, China is taking it to an impressive new level. Head over to BirdAbroad for an amazing tale of counterfeit Apple Retail Stores. Yes. Apple Stores. I know. It’s crazy. The story is fascinating. The design is near perfect and the employees actually think they work for Apple. This story is awesome and I’m sure we’ll hear more about it on the news in the coming days. Go read it!

DISCLAIMER: I don’t work for Apple. Don’t worry where I work.

[via BirdAbroad]

Matthew won’t hit on you or your girlfriend on Twitter.

Thor and His Roommate Darryl Are Back (and They’ve Got Rent Problems)

Thor and His Roommate Darryl Are Back (and They’ve Got Rent Problems)

What Rey’s New Look Means for STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI!

What Rey’s New Look Means for STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI!

Anatomically Correct Spider-Man is the Stuff of Hilarious Nightmares

Anatomically Correct Spider-Man is the Stuff of Hilarious Nightmares



  1. Courtneyno says:

    from someone who has spent entirely too many years in the retail world, I applaud this post. people are terribly rude and stupid. this is amazing though, it will be interesting to see what Apple thinks about it.

  2. Three Toes of Fury says:

    Matt: OUTSTANDING post. i cackled the entire time i read it.
    Of course now im starting to question the authenticity of some items i purchased in mexico recently….these Oaklay Sunglasses, Nikee sneakers, and Boze headphones might be fake!?!

  3. Chris Weitz says:

    Note that even the hipster/nerd “cool guy lean” seems counterfeit.