My life used to be a mess. I had accumulated a seemingly limitless assortment of toys, books, inoperative gadgets and of course, faded newspapers. With each move I managed to collect more and more boxes, like debris caught in a gravitational field of pointlessness…that is, until I discovered the organizational trick known as “Trashing.” Trashing is a process by which you take things that are in your house and place them somewhere else, where you have no responsibility for them anymore. The cornerstones of The Trashing Technique are government sponsored bins that are somehow emptied of their contents on a weekly basis. No one knows for sure exactly how it works, they just knows it works.
After years of personal research on hoarding, it turns out that old magazines serve no observable purpose; the information retrieval process on a stack of magazines is sucktarded at best, and uneven weight distribution makes them less than ideal for in-home fort-building. I could give them to my neighbor but, he’s a stuck up jerk. You know who has no taste boundaries? The Department of Sanitation. They’ll take anything I can cram in their cans (that sounds weird, but go with it).
So the next time you think about putting those extra unusable dock adapters that came with your new cell phone into a drawer simply because, “You never know,” you do know. You’ll never use them. And the novelty bobble head Bin Laden that someone gave you for your birthday is only fun the first second you see it. After that, it’s another miniature roommate to deal with. Just because you have space doesn’t mean you have to fill it. You don’t
jam old pennies and phone cords into your mouth and nose just because
they’ll fit there, do you? Well, do you??? ANSWER ME.
So stop being a filthy hoarder. Take all the stuff you don’t normally use and Trash It. You will feel lighter and more in control. Think of it as “filing it into forever” or at least “wiping the excess poo off your brain’s bum.”
Trashing uses the latest in landfill technology to streamline your home or workplace.
Image: Chris Hardwick/Nerdist