What’s that thing Martin Mull may have famously said, attributed to Elvis Costello, who then denied ownership of it? “Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.”
I am hardly the man Martin Mull is, but (a) I think we write pretty well about music, and (b) I’m about to show you some architecture that I honestly think is best summed up via interpretive dance.
This proposed “West 57th Street Tower” looks like something that might have happened within a Lego Jupiter Ascending video game, which, now that I’ve typed it, is a phrase that makes me weep aloud for something we should have had. Yes, I’m an emotional dude. But Channing Tatum with wolf ears and sky skates does that to people, right? At the very least, we could have seen a Lego Terry Gilliam. Like I do, in my dreams, every night.
Mark Foster Gage Architects referred to this tower design as The Khaleesi, of course referring to the Mother of Dragons from Game of Thrones, noting “We also have a project code-named “Joffrey” which hasn’t been released yet. So many code-name possibilities. We’ll save Cersei for a really mean client.”
Whoa whoa whoa. They think Cersei is worse than Joffrey? Joffrey may have gained some retroactive sympathy for dying, but Cersei got brutalized last season, and her kid’s a real little bastard nobody liked. Maybe they’re using his name for a new DMV. Or the New York headquarters of the IRS.
Here are the specs, in assertive all-caps:
A 102-STORY RESIDENTIAL BUILDING WITH SWEEPING VIEWS OF CENTRAL PARK AND THE NEW YORK CITY SKYLINE. EACH UNIT HAS ITS OWN UNIQUE FIGURALLY CARVED FAÇADE AND BALCONIES THAT FRAME PARTICULAR FEATURES OF THE SURROUNDING URBAN AND NATURAL LANDSCAPES. THE BUILDING IS DRAPED IN A FAÇADE OF LIMESTONE-TINTED TAKTL© CONCRETE PANELS WITH HYDROFORMED SHEET-BRONZE DETAILS AND BRASS-TINTED ALLOY STRUCTURAL EXTRUSION ENCLOSURES. THE 64TH FLOOR FEATURES A SKY-LOBBY WITH EXCLUSIVE RETAIL STORES, A 2-STORY HIGH BALLROOM FOR EVENTS, AND A 4-STAR RESTAURANT ALL OF WHICH HAVE ACCESS TO FOUR MASSIVE CANTILEVERED BALCONIES THAT OFFER AN AWE-INSPIRING EVENT AND DINING EXPERIENCE UNIQUE TO THE CITY OF NEW YORK.
The more I look at this, though, the more I wonder if “Mark Foster Gage” is the “John Harrison”-style pseudonym of Ivo Shandor.
They have much in common, and by “much” I mean “TEH AWESOME.” But you knew that.
Still, I promised upfront that this could best be summed up in interpretive dance.
Would you want to see this skyscraper built? Would you live in it if it were? Would Eddie Redmayne rasp-yelling at you make a difference? Tell us below.
all building pics besides the Ghostbusters one via Mark Foster Gage Architects