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The Na’vi Fleshlight (REALLY NSFW)

Well, my “going to the Adult Entertainment Expo right after CES” experiment was a success. I saw girls with corpses, girls with girls, guys with girls, guys with guys, some booth that I couldn’t bring myself to look at because of all the farting sounds, and lo and behold, this sweet Na’vi on Na’vi action. I gotta say, the clip I saw didn’t look too bad!!! And it turns out the Na’vi do Reverse Cowgirl (though surely they call it “Reverse Ikran”).

Anyhoozles, after I posted this pic on the Twitter there were more than a few demands to see the Na’vi Fleshlight. Not surprisingly, it was the next booth over. Normally, I wouldn’t put something this pornographic on the site, but to me it just looks like someone tried to fuck a Slurpee.

So what is the Na’vi snizz like up close??? A lot smaller than you think it’s going to be. I mean, those creatures are HUGE (it doesn’t bode well for the girth of Na’vi wangs). And dusty. Really, really dusty. And it smells like those old plastic lions you’d get outta that see-thru injection mold machine at the zoo (which is not necessarily a bad thing).

Unfortunately, though, my hair tendrils were too short to connect with it, so I put it back.

Truthfully, if I hadn’t just seen the XXX Avatar poster I’d have assumed this was a Smurfgina.

Welp, that’s my impromptu AEE floor report! Geekcrest out.

PS – The BangBros thing around my neck was the lanyard for my badge, not an intentional endorsement of their bang-themed website.

Comments

  1. Paul says:

    Got like 3 of these. Whats the problem….

    ;P

    I would have so many relations with Neytiri from Avatar.

    You have no fucking idea.

    *Curse you James Cameron*

  2. migisanairplane says:

    I’d argue Bangbros is a bro-themed website.

  3. adriana says:

    Chris,
    Yes, what ^she said. My sentiments exactly. Btw, found the tee . Thank you kindly for the tip.

  4. Eli Sweet says:

    Chris,

    Thank you so much for your fast and personalized response! The fact that you typed my name makes the internet poignantly intimate and my decision to comment intensely gratifying.

    May the vitriol of a troll never tarnish your ego! You are a good man.

  5. Chris Hardwick says:

    adriana: EBAY!!!

    Eli: It was “In Our Time” w/ Melvyn Bragg. Enjoy!

  6. Eli Sweet says:

    Hey- I saw this! My roommate brought it home last week. (I live in China so porno doesn’t cost real money.) The interesting thing is the… shall we say, color contrast. Remember folks, everybody’s pink on the inside!

    Hey does anyone know the name of the podcast the Chris admiringly mentioned (a while back) where well-educated hosts tackle serious intellectual questions on a variety of subject with great depth and insight? I believe it was British… Anyone?

  7. adriana says:

    Hey Chris, where’d you get the sweet Airplane tee??

  8. Mary says:

    I want to use it as a piggy bank.

  9. gigdrummer says:

    “…..you are one of the People now….and you may choose a flashlight.”

    “I have already chosen a flashlight, but the flashlight must choose me as well.”

    Cut to scene with Neytiri licking balls while Jake spunks into a flashlight.

    Did I just guess the script of the XXX version?

  10. DefconDan says:

    @Sandra …

    …..

    dear GOD woman… its like some World of Warcraft characters got drunk and knocked up some Pokemon… and those horrid unwanted lust children turned to stripping and porn.

    …..

    *rocking and sucking on thumb* findahappyplace findahappyplace findahappyplace

  11. Sigh. I hate to do this, but this link is so on-topic. In the name of that blue vulvita, I give you a VERY NSFW sex toy link.

    (BEWARE: This will most likely be burned into your skull lining the rest of your life. It’s too late for me.)

    Dildos of mostly fictional creatures: http://www.bad-dragon.com

  12. Allison says:

    is it sad to know that I have personally seen a clip of this and in HD 3D no less at my job. I was kind of creeped out.

  13. Dan says:

    So you’re familiar with their website then?

    Thanks for “checking that out” for us, Chris! What won’t you do based on a couple of tweets!? XP

  14. DefconDan says:

    Ok I have heard of cross-marketing movies but having Smurfette’s a-whooo-AHhhhh for sail for me to service myself is…

    oh this is more Avatar-esqe?

    yeah going from 3 apples hi to 12 feet tall with a tail is soooo not as creepy.

  15. ED says:

    I expected the Na’vi fleshlight to look more like a fistful of tendril-y hair.

  16. LaurelKaye says:

    Smurf -esque blue ball attempt.
    Brainyballs.

    “….Fuck a Slurpee.” I’ve heard of swamp crotch, but ice cold, slush box, ah no. That’s a new one.

  17. Alicia C. says:

    I would be thinking more Smurfette than Na’vi.

  18. Gary says:

    This + Avatar in 3D on blu ray sounds like the appropriate way to celebrate my sex addiction.

  19. Deanna says:

    I almost choked to death on my water reading this!

  20. lala says:

    I can’t help but hear “A lot smaller than you think it’s going to be. I mean, those creatures are HUGE” in Comic Book Guy voice. Which is as it should be.

    Also, smurfgina is my new favorite word – the only way to make it better would be create an female analog for blueballs around it. Which is a really awkward mental picture.

  21. Mattevil says:

    So do Navi female comedians (comediennes?) do routines on guys not being able to find both clits or one and not the other?

  22. Jilliana says:

    Maybe I’m just jaded, but my first thought at those photos was “sweet hat, dude!”

  23. Paul says:

    Rule 39, everyone.

  24. Gabriel says:

    So that is what smurfette looks like.

  25. Booyah says:

    I think you have your new profile pic.

    I’m pretty sure that guy behind you bought one. His hotel must not have complimentary shampoo.

  26. ohlawd says:

    Blue waffles. Google it.

  27. deathsquad says:

    Why does everything on Pandora have extra things?

  28. mella22101 says:

    Interesting how you give anonymity to the bearded guy in the one photo but not the other.

  29. NicholasBrandt says:

    There really should be a joke about blue balls here somewhere…

  30. Vrrmmff! says:

    That. Ain’t. Right.

  31. Sean says:

    Oh dear god.

  32. Olicoop says:

    Yeah, but how’d she ride?