Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve noticed Pokémon Go is a phenomenon both ruining and… saving the world? In less than a week, the game has taken the world by storm, bringing Nintendo shares up by 25% and even beating out Tinder as one of the most popular mobile apps. Basically: people love Pokémon more than love! Pokéfever is widespread, getting children and adults alike out of their houses and into museums, concert halls, theme parks, highways, and public parks more than ever before.
With all these adults venturing out of their homes and into the real world on a regular basis, some straight-up bananas shit has started going down. Take the case of sweet, sweet teenager Shayla Wiggins of Riverton, Wyoming: on her quest for a water pokémon in a river near her house, the poketrainer stumbled upon not only a Pokémon, but a dead body. Thankfully, the discovery won’t be stopping her from her quest for more pocket monsters. I mean, it’d be reallllllly unlikely that she’d find another dead body. Right? Right??
Then there’s the (un)lucky buildings that have been transformed into gyms and Poké-Stops. Random homes, restaurants, post offices, police stations and more have found themselves a veritable breeding grounds for items and pokémon alike. Oh, and then there’s the gyms at churches! Most famously, the breeding ground for hate known as the Westboro Baptist Church, is currently being ironically run by a tough-as-nails Clefairy named “Love is Love,” which is amazing. But, in true WBC fashion, the bigots recruited a pokémon of their very own to battle the “Sodomite Clefairy.” Their weapon of choice? Jigglypuff. That’s right, the soft cloud pokémon—basically the Liberace of the Pokémon universe—is their choice of a warrior against the gay agenda… so we’ll call this one a win for us, because either way the Westboro Baptist Church is still playing Pokémon Go.
Conversely, the Durham Bulls Athletic Park in North Carolina is opening its doors exclusively to fans of the new Augmented Reality game. The building is a hotspot for pocket monsters, so the general manager decided to capitalize and charge visitors five dollars for a two-hour visit. So worth it. Others are cashing in on the game’s rising popularity, utilizing makeshift Ubers where drivers take you around your city at a snail’s pace, allowing trainers to beat the heat and sit back, relax, enjoy the wifi and collect all the pokémon their hearts desire! Personally, I’m waiting to see who I can recruit to drive me out to the beach so I can finally catch myself a Blastoise…
Users should still be careful, however! There already have been reports of armed robbers using the games geolocation features to track down players in secluded locations and take their stuff. This has happened so frequently in Missouri that police have had to put out warnings to Poké-fans alerting them not to travel alone. So everybody: pay attention to Gyarados! Be aware of your surroundings!
But what are you guys thinking about the game? Is anyone else planning a trip to Westboro Baptist Church to team up and join team Love is Love? Has anyone actually seen a Mew yet? Will I ever get past level 8? Let’s discuss!