Everyone loves a good dessert (and anyone who says they don’t is clearly an alien witch from a horrible hellscape of quashed dreams), and most everyone can appreciate a little artistic flair on their sweet of choice: a sprinkling of gray sea salt on a chocolate chip cookie, a perfectly latticed pie crust, elegantly piped icing on a cake, or a shiny patina of glaze on a fresh donut.
But sometimes, well-meaning bakers can get a little out of control – and the results can be terrifying. As much as we can appreciate the artistic skill involved, there’s no damn way we’re putting these desserts in or anywhere near our mouths.
1. Blobfish Truffles
It’s fine to feel emotions for the world’s ugliest animal. It’s not fine to want to eat one, especially in fondant form, and super-especially not on top of an otherwise-delicious booze-filled truffle.
2. Kitty Litter Cake
This is apparently a “trend” in cake-making, and if you Google Image search “kitty litter cake,” you will eventually find a picture that boasts this cake is “Perfect for cat lovers!” I love my dog, but I wouldn’t eat his poop/a dessert that looked like his poop. Just sayin’.
3. Fungus Toe Cookies
There is a whole genre of food-in-the-form-of-human-body-parts sure to give you a “thing” about an array of previously-innocuous limbs and appendages.
Beautiful? Yes. Not going within a single foot (see what I did there?) of my face? Very yes.
4. Zombie Brain Cupcakes
Actually, I would eat these: raspberry cake, cream cheese frosting, chocolate brain and red-dyed caramel sauce. It’s just the sweaty, organ-y look of the brain that creeps me out. LOOK AT THE BRAIN SWEAT.
WARNING: GRAPHIC CONTENT
6. Dayglo Vagina Cupcakes
10/10 would absolutely take to a bachelorette party and then feel too awkward about eating any in front of the bride-to-be’s mom.
7. STD Cupcakes
The logical follow-up to day-glo vagcakes.
8. Peanut Butter Carob “Piles”
These human-grade dog treats are the perfect way to train your pup to eat random piles of dog crap.
Also, birds are (apparently) a big thing in the world of beautiful-but-inedibly WTF desserts:
9. Roast Swan Cake
This is a glorious work of art, but also would be really confusing to eat: like, why does it taste sweet when it should taste like roast fowl? Also, who eats swan? And worst of all, what if it actually tasted like cooked flesh? Oh, God, get it away from me.
10. Stuffed Turkey Cupcakes
Yes, the itty-bitty drumsticks are adorable. But that’s completely negated by the turkeys’ prone positions and the bird’s-eye view (see what I did there #2) of ground-meat-esque stuffing exploding out of their tiny turkey cavities. It’s a step away from Alien‘s chest-bursters.
11. Peacock Cupcakes
Whaaaat? You protest. But this is stunning! Yes, it is. But this cupcake is covered in fondant, which is basically inedible*, meaning you’d have to pull off each perfectly hand-painted feather one-by-one to get to the edible frosting and cake underneath, which would never taste as good as your expectations. And what kind of dessert plays with your expectations and emotions so callously?
Got a gross dessert story? Share the most confusing, horrifying, or otherwise just plain nasty dessert you’ve ever seen in the comments below.
*Note: while fondant is technically edible – as in, it’s made from food-based ingredients – it’s generally used for decoration rather than consumption as it can easily cause bad stomach upset.