You explore a jagged light-filled cave. Penetrating deeper, you enter a small, dark passage. There is a squishing underfoot. Your headlamp darts from the ceiling to the walls. Thick white goo covers everything. A large droplet lands squarely on your shoulder.
You, my friend, have entered the cave of the Spunkelunker.
–Verb, to spunkelunk, spunkelunking
1. During fellatio, the act of penetrating the giver’s throat for ejaculatory purposes.
Example: Henry wasn’t sure if it was customary to ask before spunkelunking on the first date.
spunkelunker (n), spunkelunkee (n)
Sexuality metaphysicist and educator Sandra Daugherty coined the term in the early part of the 21st century. Legend has it she was parallel parking.
I often analyze sex advice puzzles while driving. Sometimes I even sit in my car afterward and have what NPR calls “Driveway Moments.” “Spunkelunking” popped into my head one night while examining a questionable bit of sex advice for fellatially-procured-wad avoiders. I was in my car.
I’m often asked to dish out advice on blowjobs. One familiar concern is from people who are not so keen on the taste or texture of love flowing eternal. The workaround-in-question goes like this:
“When push comes to shove, invite your phallic friend to the back of your mouth so they can spew forth directly into your throat & stomach.”
Despite being utterly open-minded, my flawed humanity viscerally upchucks in protest. As a sex educator, advising a hesitant receptacle/human being to allow said-fluid direct stomach access gives me pause.
(***Personal Disclosure: I don’t swallow. I’ve tried. It’s a texture thing. My entire being goes on lockdown. It’s like storming the Alamo. You might get in, but it’s gonna be one hell of a fight.)
For those who gulp with pride, I say “Go get ’em tiger! More power to ya! I got nothin’ but love!” You are bolder than I. However, for those who truly struggle with swallowing, advising a linear oral bypass seems a bit militant.
And this brings me to my point. There are many elements for giving a partner excellent head. Swallowing is but one factor. Much can be said on the topic of fellatio greatness. Perhaps this is a post for another day. For now, I merely share with you my new favorite word.
And yes, Henry, please ask your spunkelunkee before proceeding.