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SILICON VALLEY Cast Gives NSFW Descriptions for Real $1 Billion Startups

Silicon Valley, the Mike Judge comedy that’s coming back for its totally “third” season on HBO on April 24th, centers around the Bad News Bears crew behind flailing tech start up, Pied Piper. If you haven’t seen the show and can’t guess what Pied Piper does, that’s because it’s a horribly goofy and vague name for a business. Sort of like real tech startup names, which are described by the stars of the show in their own fake (and super NSFW) pitches in the above video.

The video, which was created by the “men’s health magazine for virgins,” a.k.a. WIRED, asks the faux burgeoning Silicon Valley techno studs to describe the core functions of various startups like Nutanix and Twilio, which are all valued at—deep breath here for sanity—over $1 billion dollars.

The cast’s company descriptions are everything we’d want them to be, although the ones that clearly take the craptastically named cake are for Kabbage, which Zach Woods (Jared) says is actually an acronym for “Killing All Baby Boys And Gaining Energy,” and Anaplan, which Kumail Nanjiani (Dinesh) says is what you’d use when “you’ve been married for a while, and you’re trying to sort of, take things to the next level.”

Along with Nutanix, Twilio, Kabbage, and Anaplan, the cast also breaks down the functions of Sprinklr (honestly, what was the real team behind Sprinklr thinking?), Klarna, Automattic, Gusto, and Tubber. T.J. Miller says that he’s a member of that last one, although seeing as how Tubbber is actually an Airbnb for fancy boats, that may not actually be a bad thing. Also, there’s an Airbnb for fancy boats (that’s worth over $1 billion dollars!).

Do you have a startup that’s worth between 0 and $1 doodledillion dollars? If so, what have you named it? Sockster, Nutzillo or maybe even Spoodle? Let us know in the comments section below!

HT: Laughing Squid

Images: WIRED

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