RULES, AGREEMENTS AND BOUNDARIES, OH MY! More Than Two authors Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert offer a problem solving toolkit for your relationship, no matter what the style, while examining polyamory as a cultural and ethical system for channeling non-monogamy. TOPICS: Poly Theory, Swinging, Casual Sex, Small Town Swingers, “Pearl Harbor,” “Frozen,” “Drinking Buddies,” “Her,” Intrinsic Relationship Styles, Military Couples, Moral Practicalities, Con Sex, 100 Mile Rule, “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” Polyfidelity, Polyfamily vs Tribe, Religious Polygamy, Pitfalls of Passive and Triangular Communication, British “Last Biscuit” Problem, Metamour, Listening Skills of Direct Communication, Rules vs Agreements vs Boundaries, Kitty Ears, 2 Ethical Commandments, Reversal Thingy-ness, Training Wheels, Self Work and Regional Online Dating!
I have been ideologically polyamorous my entire life, functionally polyamorous since 1984, and writing about polyamory since 1998.
What does that mean?
I’ve been polyamorous ideologically for my entire life, in the sense that monogamy has never made much sense to me. I can remember hearing a fairy tale when I was very young, about a princess forced to choose between two handsome princes. I recall thinking “well, princesses live in castles, everyone knows that. And castles are big enough for both princes. So why does she have to choose?”
I started the practice of non-monogamy from the moment I started becoming aware that boys and girls are different; I took two girls to my high school prom, and lost my virginity in a threesome.
Along the way, I’ve made just about every mistake it’s possible to make in polyamorous relationships, struggled with feeling like I was the only person in the world who felt this way about love and romance, and been forced to confront a great deal of social convention that ran counter to what I wanted my life to look like. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I’ve been living poly since 2008, though my poly roots go back much deeper. What I now call my first poly experience happened when I was 16; at the time, none of us had a framework that would have allowed us to consider a loving, open, non-monogamous outcome, and the whole thing ended in a fireball of tears and teenage angst. Since then, I’ve had about 15 years of monogamous relationships, a 13-year (so far) marriage that has been poly for about half its duration (the latter half), and a number of other poly relationships.
My approach to poly has changed radically over the years: from that early experience at 16, to first hearing the word “polyamory” in 1998, to my husband’s and my first swingers’ party in 2006, to our current multiple long-term, committed relationships. And being poly has radically changed me. I’ve made a lot of mistakes and learned a lot of hard lessons. I’m writing this book to share those experiences with anyone who is struggling to maintain ethical multiple relationships with integrity, compassion and courage, in the hopes they may help you on your way.
I’m a thirty-something professional writer, editor and mastermind. I own a science communications firm in Vancouver, Canada, called Talk Science to Me. I’ve edited dozens of books, but this is my first experience writing one. I have until recently co-organized a group for poly women in Vancouver, and I blog, though (mostly) privately.
Checkout their book and the blog at More Than Two!