When I was a kid, I wanted more than anything to be an astronaut. Flying into space, seeing brave new worlds, and meeting new civilizations. Or, you know, the real-world equivalent of that. But, before I could even realize I didn’t possess half the necessary book-learnin’ for such activities, I learned I was too tall to even attempt it. Like jockeys or kids in McDonalds’ Playplace, you need to be fairy short (and, of course, in good shape) to make it to space. Unless it’s the movies. Then you can look like Seth Rogen, Zach Galifianakis, and Bill Hader and still reach the stars.
The Hollywood Reporter has announced that the three comedy titans will star in the new space flick The Something, written and directed by Rodney Rothman, who wrote the scripts for both 22 Jump Street and Grudge Match. The movie is going to be about three “male astronauts, who, after being stuck in space for years, come upon another ship.” That’s it. That’s all it says.
So, I’m guessing this is what happens: Since they went out of their way to mention that the astronauts were male—males who have been stuck in space for years, on top of that—I’m guessing the other ship they find is going to be filled with women. Either human women or alien women, though more probably the latter. But all those women are going to be uninterested in the guys which will lead to blue-ball hilarity. There, I just wrote a Hollywood movie.
We’ll have a while to wait to see if I’m right or not, of course, but who wants to bet I nailed it? Let’s discuss in the comments below!
HT: The Hollywood Reporter
Images: Columbia/Warner Bros/Universal
Kyle Anderson is the Weekend Editor and a film and TV critic for Nerdist.com. Follow him on Twitter!