This post contains spoilers for Scream Queens. Read at your own risk if you haven’t watched yet.
After a successful first season, the Chanels, Zayday, a batch of new faces (John Stamos, Kirstie Alley, and Taylor Lautner), and another masked killer(s?) are here for another season of Scream Queens. The season premiere, “Scream Again,” takes place several years after the season one finale. Everyone is in a completely different place, though is still delightfully awful. Along with a few job changes, the show is now set in a hospital. Now that med school is officially in session, it’s time to roll up our sleeves and scrub in.
Much like the premiere of the first season, this week’s episode kicked off with a tragic death. This time around, the murder took place at a hospital Halloween party circa 1985. After a pregnant woman (what is it with this show and pregnant women?) asked one of the doctors to perform an emergency operation on her husband, the surgeon decided to quickly do away with him and get back to enjoying the party. His plan? He and an accomplice threw the unconscious patient into the nearby swamp. To cover his tracks and keep his identity a secret, the physician tossed his costume (a mask and cloak) into the toxic depths; and thus, the Green Meanie was born.
Following the deadly introduction, the show picked back up in 2016 with Dr. Brock Holt (Stamos) and Dr. Cassidy Cascade (Lautner)—who, believe it or not, are actual doctors—treating a werewolf girl at Doctor Dean Munsch’s (Jamie Lee Curtis) recently opened C.U.R.E. Hospital. In the wake of her fame, Munsch apparently decided to become a doctor to use her power to reform the health care system. As straight-laced as that sounds, she acted pretty sketchy throughout the episode. She’s definitely got a lot more on her agenda than saving people. She’s also been chatting up the new no-nonsense nurse (portrayed by Kirstie Alley), later telling her to keep pushing the Chanels because she has plans for them.
Part of Munsch’s plan involved hiring Zayday (Keke Palmer), who has been working her way through medical school. The Dean promised to help her former pupil pay for medical school as long as she came and worked for her. But of course, three doctors isn’t enough to run the facility, so the leading lady also brought Chanel (Emma Roberts), Chanel No. 3 (Billie Lourd), and Chanel No. 5 (Abigail Breslin) into the fold. Following their arrest and subsequent exoneration (thanks to a Netflix documentary series and Hester’s boastful confession), the girls became pariahs.
Like Zayday, the trio also dived into the medical field. However, instead of devoted medical students, Chanel got her phlebotomist license, No. 3 worked at a sperm donor clinic, and No. 5 worked the front desk at the dentist’s office. Because of their work in the field, Munsch seized the opportunity, hired them and put them through medical school. As Chanel aptly put it towards the end of the episode, “With the power of the internet, anyone can be an MD.”
The girls’ new life took a turn for the worse when they were quickly put on academic probation for delivering insensitive comments about the previously mentioned werewolf patient. During their time off, Chanel and the other two girls devised a plan to help find her cure before Zayday could. With the help of Dr. McDreamy…erm, I mean Holt, Chanel was able to beat Zayday to the punch and solve the patient’s excess hair issue.
The treatment, however, ended up working a bit too well, and the young lady ended up completely bald. But not to worry, as the Chanels entered phase two of the procedure: makeover! Like Hester’s transformation last year, the trio took the troubled girl to the next level with some good old-fashioned makeup, a stylish wig, and a set of false lashes. At this rate, the girls are well on their way to achieving their goal of being the next TV doctors (like Dr. Drew, Dr. Phil, or the Doctors).
The fun came to an end when Chanel No. 5 was left to watch over the patient during the graveyard shift. To relax her, and keep her skin from peeling, No. 5 treated the patient (and herself) to hydrotherapy. But because the devices locked after the pair got in, they weren’t able to defend themselves or run away when the Green Devil showed up to annihilate them to the tune of The Ronettes’ “Be My Baby.” After lopping off the former were-woman’s head, the killer turned to Chanel No. 5 and raised his weapon before the credits rolled.
Discovering the identity of the monster behind the mask is sure to be the main focus this season. Is it the child of the pregnant lady? Is it one of the girls? Will No. 5 show up next week? Leave your theories below, join the conversation on Facebook, or start one with me on Twitter: @Samantha_Sofka.