Everyone Poops is arguably the most important, most informative children’s book ever written. Going to the bathroom is a weird thing to comprehend for a kid. You put delicious food in your mouth, and then later….YOU DON’T NEED THIS EXPLAINED. But knowing that every other person as well as other animals also go through the same strange process of digestion is a nice thing to know for a youngster trying to understand his or her body. But why stop there? What about the other odorous event that emanates from our backsides?
Does everything fart?
Sure, you know other humans fart, like your Uncle Steve who is not funny, and you know your dog farts (seemingly a lot more when your significant other is around), but what about a butterfly? Does a snake fart? Are you risking a whiff of ocean-tinged sulfur when you open up a soft shell clam? Thankfully the brave scientists of the world are coming together to answer all of our animal flatulence inquiries.
It all started on Twitter with a single, very important question:
Which got the best response ever.
And that’s when Nick Caruso was inspired to start the hashtag #DoesItFart, and from there an idea turned into a spreadsheet that scientists who study specific animals can contribute to. No, seriously, Caruso really made a Google doc where experts are now answering whether or not different animals of all shapes and sizes (and some that aren’t even real) pass gas or not. You can check it out here.
“For all your #DoesItFart needs.” Science is the best.
Besides yes/no answers (and some maybes that need further research), the list also has some interesting notes to digest. Like how a seal fart smells like lutefisk, and how even though a sea anemone doesn’t fart, it does have awful burps.
And while of course grizzly bears fart, “usually in the woods,” considering the butt of a giraffe stands about the height of where a human head reaches, they pose a far greater risk of giving you stink face. And you definitely don’t want that, since the listed answer for whether a giraffe farts or not falls under the terrifying header of “hell yes.”
Although, even more ominous might be the note on birds, which are listed as being non-farters, but apparently “could if they wanted to.” What in the hell does that even mean? Also, did we just accidentally come up with a great sequel idea for Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds?
Besides looking through the list, you might want to spend some time searching the #DoesItFart hashtag on Twitter, because where else can you get a statistical breakdown like this?
Looks like you need some backbone to fart. No, we’re not apologizing for that joke. So far we think we’ve managed to hold most of the bad ones in.
Before today it never even occurred to us whether or not a European oyster suffers from bouts of butt stink (it doesn’t), but now that we know the answer the world somehow seems more alive and diverse. Because while everyone poops, not everyone farts, which makes it all the more special when you do.
What animal not on the list do you want to know about? It would stink if you didn’t pass your questions into our comments section below.
Featured Image: Paris Buttfield-Addison