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Sarah Palin’s Original Campaign

If they fly-over states have their way the governor with the eerily appropriate "yahoo" email account will be Second Magistrate of the Unites States. I’m sure you all remember Sarah Palin’s original bid, as that of Miss Alaska. Having narrowly defeated a walrus wearing a bra, Palin was crowned Miss Wasilla and went on to harpoon the second runner-up spot for Miss Alaska 1984. Sure, beauty pageant contestants say things like, "Me want world peace," or "I’m going to be vice president," but for shit sake it doesn’t really happen, right? RIGHT??!

This is the creepiest bit of VP-hopeful activity since Spiro Agnew’s mimeographed butthole and the infamous woodcut depicting  Schuyler Colfax maniacally waving his genitals at frightened horses.

*SIDE NOTE: Palin’s Inuit name, Chukyuik, loosely translated means "one whose vagina bites down on fabric."


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  1. The Nerdist says:

    Schwa??? Fallen? From what? Madam I don’t understand that at all. I was never anybody! And the “you were on a show and now you work a shitty minimum wage job” joke is SUPER hacky.

    Thanks for taking the time from your important life to post on the Assistant Manager of Sam’s Club blog, though! And good luck eating your friend Sarah Palin’s acidic tit juices!

  2. Alicia says:

    Wow, to think how far Chris Hardwick has fallen. Didn’t you used to be somebody? Kind of sad how far you’ve fallen in life. Hopefully Sam’s Club calls you back for that assistant manager position so you can pay this month’s rent.

  3. Well then. I was all prepared with a variety of lubes for this video but when as soon as I click play I shit inside of my mouth accident. I just couldn’t get off.

  4. Tara says:

    What is Kevin’s deal? He comes across as extremely dismissive about politics, particularly voting, on AOTS. I’ve always wondered if it’s because he’s jaded or because he really doesn’t give a shit. Either way, I kind of wish he wouldn’t encourage apathy.

  5. Nan says:

    Only Chris Hardwick could bring woodcuts back!

  6. Jaym says:

    She’s got a “pretty” face, but she’s “big”. I won’t use the term “fat”. Or “pudgy”. But, she’s “large-framed”. You can always tell the “big-boned” ones, because in beauty contests they are the ones wearing a one-piece instead of a bikini.

    Still, all kidding aside, we’re talking about someone with less political savvy than Dan Quayle. It scares me nearly half our country would even consider voting her (and McBush) in.

    Our great nation is not what it once was, for certain. And our founding fathers would be smacking the heads of the large majority of those on the “right” for the damages they’ve caused the nation as a whole.

  7. Randbot says:

    Absolute best part is the announcer mentioning that she’s so awesome that she was included in Who’s Who (aka: American’s Favorite Meaningless Book of High-School Students!) I wonder if she lists this on her VP resume as well?

  8. Varian says:

    Chukyuik….lmao!! How fitting 🙂