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PARKS AND RECREATION Recap: Don’t Become a Data-Mined Piece of Gryzzl, Treat Yoself

PARKS AND RECREATION Recap: Don’t Become a Data-Mined Piece of Gryzzl, Treat Yoself

Thank goodness all is as it should be on Parks and Recreation, because Pawnee has never needed the team more. With Ron and Leslie friends again thanks to last week‘s clearing of the air. So what could possibly be plaguing our favorite Indiana town? Oh you know, the usual loss of privacy in a digital age and the preservation of things and places we love. Today, we we are ALL Pawnee.

Gryzzl’s attempts to win over Pawnee blew up in their faces this week, thanks to a completely well-intentioned (ha ha ha) batch of Gryzzlbox drone deliveries. Turns out there is a limit to winning their love, and it ends when a mega-corporation overtly and brazenly data-mines everyone’s information to sell them stuff. With Donna spearheading the takedown, Leslie and Ben unified the town against Gryzzl’s unauthorized tracking of their lives. Chants of “We’re not against you on this!” electrified the Pawnee air. This is why companies don’t like it when you actually understand things, people!

Speaking of understanding things, poor April’s general existential anxiety (otherwise known as being in your late twenties) has taken over her perspective and ability to process her life thus far. Overwhelmed by the whole “I don’t know what I want to do with my life that will fulfill me!” thing, she gave terrible life advice to Craig’s new Parks Department interns (even after he asked her nicely!), even convincing one just like her to quit. Thankfully Craig was there (oh Craig) to remind April of all she accomplished and gained from her time as an intern, because what else is an intense and well-intentioned lover-of-all-things supposed to do? Help!

which is also, coincidentally, what Tom did, throwing himself into helping out Andy (well… he became his audience), who was getting seriously screwed over by the network on which The Johnny Karate Super Awesome Musical Explosion Show airs. Not only was he only getting paid $100 a week, TV exec Hank Muntak (Dax Shepard) tried to wrangle ownership of Johnny Karate the character out of Andy’s hands. (We know, we know — total bullshit!) Why do the big guys always try to take such advantage? Don’t they know people shouldn’t have to ask for what is rightfully and inherently theirs?

Yeah, that’s what we thought, too. Which is why we were really surprised that Ron Swanson was not on board with that line of thinking either (privacy freak that he is and all). But his whole “I don’t pass judgement on the affairs of private businesses” song and dance quickly fell apart after a Gryzzlbox showed up with highly specific gifts for his four year-old son.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, ALMIGHTY BUSINESS ENTITY — it just isn’t chill and not even Ron Swanson is going to take the unchillitude anymore! We don’t even have to sweat that mistrial on The Perdple’s Court.

But that was but one of the two episodes on which we feasted. Because Tuesday is — wait for it — the best day of the year! That’s right, folks, we saw the return of the greatest day known to man: TREAT YOSELF, 2017 edition. Now that Donna and Tom are moguls however, a run-of-the-mill mall day is not enough for these two, natch — so they are off to Beverly Hills. Awww silky! For these two it was a day of shopping, drinking in the back of nice cars, elbow bedazzling, and celebrity-raised sushi (like we said: ♪♬ best day of the year ♬♪).

The duo also got down on the heart-to-heart tip in regards to Tom’s love life. With Lucy newly broken up with her boyfriend, it’s prime time for Mr. Haverford to get all smooth operator on her — which he does thanks to Donna’s newly engaged wisdom-goading. And it worked! Because sometimes you even have to treat yoself emotionally, too (we know it doesn’t work but just go with it).

And sometimes you have to treat yoself even when you don’t deserve it — if you’re a JERK like those too-wealthy-for-their-own-good Gryzzlies. Yup: as a reaction to the bad press of the Gryzzlbox scandal, the company approached the Newport family and offered $125 million instead of their original $90 mil offer, to which Ms. Jessica Wicks-Newport said oh hell to the yes. Damn you dollar bills and your ability to control literally everything around you! Poor Leslie — her dreams of a Pawnee National Park, dashed. …Or are they?

Ms. Knope is not one to take things sitting down — except her waffles from JJ’s Diner. Only — oh god damnit not JJ, too! — the diner is about to be no more, too. No, it was not another Gryzzl get, it was that olfactory assault artist, Dennis Feinstein. Now that Pawnee is a booming li’l tech town, real estate is going up and money-grabbers gonna money-grab. This, naturally, did not sit well with Leslie so she decided it was time to go to war. For JJ’s!

Only, well, it didn’t really work (not even with the help of Johnny Karate’s wisened older brother, Jonathan Karate). But opportunity always comes a-knockin’, even if it’s in unexpected packages. Like the huge alternative warehouse space JJ could have opened his diner in (also in the rundown part of town that April and Andy now live thanks to Werner Herzog) if it wasn’t incredibly oversized for his little mom and pop affair. But you know who it wasn’t too small for, eh? Do ya?

That’s right: Gryzzl! With Leslie’s brilliant brain wheels a-turnin’, the plan was set into motion (of the successful variety): have Gryzzl turn the big ol’ warehouse space into their new mega-campus — it did already have a ton of superchill graffiti art — and donate the land for a bunch of sweet tax write-offs and hellagood PR to makegood with the town and rehabilitate their image.

Best Things:
– Reminder: Judge Perd Hapley is not a judge.
– Hamuel L. Jackson from Pork Fiction and Tom Selloink = – Darlene Johannsen and her assistant-turned-lover Gregory Strong
– Gryzzl might not be real but this quote from Roscoe Santangelo (Jorma Taccone!) felt too-real real: “As you know, the cameras on your phone are always on, whether you’re using them or not. This app uses facial recognition software to track your mood.”
– 2015 Wedding Trend to Watch: Butler Of Honor
– “Mm! Bogdonadelish!”
– I’m sure I’m not the only one looking forward to Jaden Smith’s start turn in Hitch 2: Son of a Hitch
– Voodoo is ALWAYS an option.
– Best Andy: “Was it Voldemort Putin? Of Russia?”
– You know, Josh Groban eating his own sushi really was the most baller thing I’ve ever seen, too.
– Best Roscoe: “Is this paper? Super-throwback!”

What’d you think of the episode? Let us know in the comments!

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