By now you’ve seen the trailers for Fox and Marvel’s reboot of Fantastic Four. Many fans found themselves wondering why the team was so young this time around, while others got caught up in the seemingly unsolvable mystery of how Sue Storm could be while while Johnny Storm is black. (Spoiler: they’re adopted siblings.) But, far and away, the biggest mystery centered around the craggy, orange bruiser of the group, The Thing. Since time immemorial, Marvel fans have wondered one thing and one thing alone: what happened to the Thing’s dick?
You’ve probably been asking yourself the same question since you realized The Thing wouldn’t be wearing his trademark blue shorts. In Josh Trank’s version of Fantastic Four, Ben Grimm wears no such clothing, which begs the question, “What’s the deal with The Thing’s penis?” What’s wrong with his dong? Seriously, what is going on with The Thing’s…thing? I want to know, you want to know, the American people want to know.
Well, today, we have answers in the form of a brand new Nerdist Presents. So kick back, relax, and thank your lucky star that you weren’t exposed to cosmic rays on an interdimensional journey orchestrated by that obsessive jazz drummer from Whiplash.
What do you think happened to The Thing’s downstairs mixup? Share your fan theories in the comments below.
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Dan Casey is the senior editor of Nerdist and the author of 100 Things Avengers Fans Should Know & Do Before They Die. You can follow him on Twitter (@Osteoferocious).