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Episode 247: Nerdist Podcast
Two Tickets
Nerdist PodcastNerdist Podcast

Nerdist Podcast: Two Tickets

It’s some hostful goodness for your listening pleasure! Matt went on vacation near Los Angeles, Jonah talks about his quest to feed the homeless, and Chris has two tickets to somewhere!

Artwork by Toonsmyth I YouTube Site

See Gillian Anderson as David Bowie in Bonkers AMERICAN GODS Scene

See Gillian Anderson as David Bowie in Bonkers AMERICAN GODS Scene

CatNani Robot Guards Your Countertops Against Your Cats

CatNani Robot Guards Your Countertops Against Your Cats

It’s Official: [SPOILER] is Really Out of the ARROW-Verse

It’s Official: [SPOILER] is Really Out of the ARROW-Verse



  1. Amos says:

    The “Everything with Jerome Hathaway” throwaway joke may have been the funniest non-commented-on joke ever. I love Real Genius and I laughed my balls off at that. Thanks, guys.

  2. Patty Marvel says:

    @farleyk – Oh, sure you can check into the Hotel California. Per the night man, they ARE programmed to receive. AND you can check-out any time you like, it’s just that you can never leave.

  3. farleyk says:

    Oh yeah, cameo by Nick.
    And remember, if you’re in the process of using your two tickets to paradise and bad weather causes an unexpected delay, don’t, under any circumstances, check into the Hotel California.

  4. I don’t even want to listen to this after that image, I’m scared.

  5. Nich Hustler says:

    People we need to bombard @SHO_Dexter with requests for Michael C Hall onto the Nerdist podcast!

  6. Eddy says:

    Chris Hardwick a brony? It’s more likely than you think.

  7. Kevin says:

    Wait, is Paradise City anywhere near Dodge? Be careful, ’cause if you find yourself there, get the fuck out.

    I’ve heard tell the road to Nowhere is alright.

    Baby, it’s alright.

  8. Shawn says:

    Thank you guys for this episode. It reinforces my coworkers belief that I have Schizophrenia because I was laughing Insanely out loud and crying. While listening to it on my phone.

  9. Shawn says:

    Thank you guys for this episode. It reinforces my coworkers belief that I have Schizophrenia because I was laughing Insanely out loud and crying. While listening to it on my phone. Thank you again.

  10. Shawn says:

    Thank you guys for this episode. It reinforces my coworkers belief that I have Schizophrenia because I was laughing Insanely out loud and crying. While listening to it on my phone. Thank you again. Ps more Fat Axel Rose jokes

  11. Shawn says:

    Thank you guys for this episode. It reinforces my coworkers belief that I have Schizophrenia because I was laughing Insanely out loud and crying while listening to it on my phone. Thank you again. Ps more Fat Axel Rose jokes

  12. I wonder what route they are taking to get to Paradise? What other places will they pass though to get to Paradise? I hear funky town is nice this time of year. It would be cool to do a lay over there. (This has potential to go on and on….)

    Chris has 99 problems but getting to Paradise ain’t one.


  13. Taira says:

    Half the time I have no idea what you guys are talking about, but I love every minute of it. Especially when I look like a major creeper in my isolated cubicle laughing to myself. I’m sure to make some friends this way. Please come to St. Louis to do a Podcast or any town in Missouri. Oh man the midwest! You would be my best friends 4 eva. You know this is legit becase I said “4 eva.”

  14. toonsmyth says:

    yay! You fixed the scaling! I wasn’t going to say anything. Sorry if I didn’t make it at the proper aspect ratio. Hope it didn’t cause too much trouble. Thanks again for using my art. Uber Awesome!

  15. Rob S. says:

    I thought I was the only one that got the voices of Goofus and Gallant confused. That’s what tag means? Never would have guessed it.

  16. Vox Populi says:

    WAIT! The Temptations had David Ruffin! Well, until cocaine joined the group, too.

    Now I want the next hostful picture to be the guys all wearing powder blue suits with ruffley shirts standing around a microphone.

  17. Lee Benningfield says:

    The Dave Matthews discussion reminded me that I’m actually going to see him at the Life Is Good festival in Canton, MA in September. I’m only going because I really want to see Sarah Jarosz, and Dave Matthews just happens to be headlining. I wouldn’t go out of my way just to see him or anything. I thought their first two albums were good. Whatever. (and more faux ironic hipster detachment).

    Also, great episode.

  18. toonsmyth says:

    Officially speaking, I was going to try to put the Time Lords logo on Matt’s flank, but I wasn’t sure it was clear enough to be indentified. It eventually got to the point where it was taking up way too much time, so I just scootched him back a bit.

    Originally, I was going to make him look like Spike the dragon, but that just wasn’t happening…. And now you know the back story.

  19. mangote says:

    OK , I am I the only one wondering what the Cutie mark would be on the Matt Mira pony? I’m guessing the Fire Dancer from DMB?

  20. Patty Marvel says:

    @Hylian Heartthrob – Heck, Matt probably DOES have Dave Mathews’ face tattooed on his hindquarters!

    “It’s fun being the Pips!” = Best line of the whole podcast! Thank you, Jonah! Actually, I’ve usually thought of Matt and Jonah – or “Monah” – as the Supremes to Chris’ Diana Ross. Or maybe the “other angels” to CH’s Farrah Fawcett? Could we please make “Monah” a thing? While we’re at it, how about one for Chris and Chloe? Maybe “Chrole,” pronounced as “CROW-lee.” Nah, that sounds like something you get in a doughnut shop. Or is that a “cruller?”

    Anyway, here’s a request for the Dork Fork show – please do an episode for the return of Community! Maybe you can make whatever these folks are wearing:

    As for Rifftrax…REJOICE! They’ll be back October 25th taking the piss out of…wait for it…BIRDEMIC! Details are here:

  21. Chris Hardwick says:

    @RancorJames: it’s a bit. No one is getting fired. This is a comedy show. Comedy is fun! #hugs

  22. MagicLlama says:

    I just brony’d. Hard. It’s all over the place, and now I have to clean it up. Thanks, guys. Thanks a lot. Do you know how long it takes to get Friendship out of the carpet?

  23. Matt Grandis says:

    Really? I don’t feel that that’s really the case. But if Chris ever turns into this kind of person, I’ll be the first one to book a ticket to L.A. to kick his ass and remind him of the fans who helped him get where he is today. You’re welcome, Chris 🙂

    But seriously, I don’t think this will be necessary any time soon. I think you’re off base.

  24. The Internet says:

    You’re off base. Chris has been firing/rehiring them on the spot for the life of the Podcast. And other places/times as well. Everything is fine.

    All the best,
    The Internet

    P.S. Chris isn’t the King of me, Al Gore is.

  25. RancorJames says:

    I feel like Chris is getting a little too big for his britches. Every time he implies firing Jonah or Matt I cringe because thats not something a friend would do or its an action of someone who is desperately trying to cling to some type of importance. He seems more arrogant and less likable honestly. People like Kev Smith or Scott Auckerman are doing similar stuff as Chris but remain the same funny likable guys they always were, whereas Chris has developed this unspoken vibe of thinking hes king of the Internet. Hope im off base but its a vibe Iv been getting for awhile.

  26. Listening to the episode now, and half way through. The assumed-troll-was-actually-a-fan-doing-a-bit story reminded me of something in, I believe, Mattstronaut.

    Can we please make #FA (“fuck around”) a real thing? It’ll keep a lot of unnecessary blockings and attacks from comedians from happening.

  27. toonsmyth says:

    8D -!!!

    dude! That is so swiggity-sweet. Thanks, homies and bronies! It is such an honor to have my work appreciated by my peers. I shall enjoy this podcast the most of all!

    Much love! <3!

  28. JetpackBlues says:

    @Quemmento – Godammit you’re awesome. Here, take all my Internets. I don’t deserve them. 😀

  29. Ben Z says:

    I haven’t laughed that much at a Nerdist podcast in awhile, let alone back-to-back episodes (this and Joan Rivers)! So many funny jokes thrown in with the seriousness. Usually I just hear a lot of cool, interesting stories. Feel free to rip on Guns ‘N Roses songs/fat jokes more in the future!

  30. Hylian Heartthrob says:

    @Patty, no, his mark is Dave Matthews’ face.

  31. @JetpackBlues
    No, not Kevin Smith. My name is Davie Hogan, but everyone calls me Lardass. What the Stewardess didn’t know was that I wasn’t interested in flying to Paradise. What I wanted was revenge.

    By the time I was eating my fifth packet of peanuts I imagined I was eating honey roasted rabbit turds. Suddenly I opened my mouth and before she knew it the Stewardess was covered in five packs worth of used frills. The pilot took one look and barfed on the co-pilot. The air marshall barfed on a passenger’s tits. Businessmen barfed on vacationers, mothers barfed on their loudass crying babies. It was a complete and total…well you know.

    Funny part was that this all occurred before the stewardess could point out that the air sickness bags were located in the seat pockets in front of us, so naturally nobody knew where to find one.

    Speaking of teeny tiny hairless Wil Wheaton…

  32. Matt Grandis says:

    I’m constantly behind on episodes lately. That annoys me. And I blame you, Hardwick. Boo. No, I won’t listen to it now. Instead I’m gonna watch a classic episode of Star Trek TNG starring a teeny tiny beardless Wil Wheaton. And that is YOUR fault.

  33. Jennifer Davies says:

    “Ive been dancing with Mr. Coldstone” 😛 That was awesome!!!!

  34. @Joe
    He’s a good looking guy and all so I’m sure he’s popular with the ladies, but don’t you think the term “sausage vendor” is a little crass? 😉

  35. Patty Marvel says:

    @Neb – It’s gotta be a burrito.

  36. Joe Vichich says:

    Times are tough at NASA. The flight director, Bobak, has to moonlight as a sausage vendor.

  37. Patty Marvel says:

    Congratulations, Toonsmyth!!! I hope they use the black and white one next!

  38. JetpackBlues says:

    @Quemmento – Are you Kevin Smith? 😛 And can I get two tickets to Stranger Than Paradise?

  39. By the way, I originally only got one ticket to Paradise, but the Stewardess told me that “passengers of a certain size” are required to purchase an additional ticket. Dicks.

  40. Darth Kratos says:

    They forgot Big C and Vajonah Ray

  41. First world problems are what those are called! Radio station here in St. Louis has that as a bit on a morning show. People call in with their problems that only happen in first world places.

  42. Neb says:

    Great podcast! Great artwork! I can only imagine what is on Pony Matt’s butt. 😛

  43. Well Friendship is MAGIC! Now we can say with certainty that so are Nerdist! Wheeee!!!

    Toonsmyth you rock! Thanks for the My Little Pony Nerdist theme! They are perfect!! This totally made my day.

    I’m going to go finish up work so I can listen to this episode on the way home!


  44. JetpackBlues says:

    You guys couldn’t call the episode “Everything: with Dr. Jerome Hathaway” because you didn’t talk about the colon.

    “What’s Einstein really like?”



  45. dink winklestein says:

    i’ll take two tickets anywhar!

  46. Aaron D says:

    I want two tickets to paradise!

  47. I hereby dedicate this happy dance to toonsmyth and his epic artwork.
    (oontz! oontz! oontz!)

  48. Curtis says:


  49. Jake says:

    Just wanted to say to Chris, I understood your 19 reference, both here and on that other previous podcast you used it and you tried to explain it. Both times I laughed. That song brings back so many references for me.

    So even if your joke falls flat on a podcast, at least some of your viewers will get it and be glad you reference a song from the 80’s.

    P.s. Love your new COPS: Skyrim show on youtube!

  50. Harrison says:

    God dammit I haven’t even listened to it yet but feel way more confident in my Brony-ness now.