First of all, I love you guys. A LOT. There were 225 entries for this contest, which marks a 400% growth from the first one. I thoroughly enjoyed reading through each and every entry and I look foward to many more of these in the future. I got a lotta tech toys to give away, so why shouldn’t YOUR hands be clasping some shiny new electronic object while you jump for joy near your mailbox? I hope you all keep playing…the contests will change up from time to time to attempt to tap your various talents.
And now to announce the WINNER of a brand new still-in-the-box iP47 Bluetooth iPod/iPhone Dock…
This, however, was not the only one that made me laugh out loud. I’ve decided to award two runner-up Nerdists with $20 iTunes gift cards each.
M Butler: Prawn to E5
Max A: “So’s your face.”
The former was an excellent use of both a lobster and a chess reference and the latter just cracked me up. Clearly, I’m a 7th grader. I will email all three of you with info about your prizes! Sweet business!!!
Of course, this wouldn’t be any fun without a series of non-tangible-prize-getting Honorable Mention Awards, so here goes:
POLITICAL SATIRE AWARD
Shaking his head in disbelief while sighing the words “holy f*ck” under his breath, Barack Obama snaps one final photo of the Bush administration’s “Iraq War Strategery Table” before dismantling.
FILM GEEK REFERENCE AWARD
Lobster 1: No! where’d you get that steel? Isn’t that Bud’s Hattori Hanzo?!
Lobster 2: (smirk) Not anymore, and you are going to see him right now!
AOTS REFERENCE AWARD
Lobster 1: “Look at it this way, at least you’ll end up in Olivia Munn’s mouth first…”
Lobster 2: “In that case, make it quick.”
CHESS CLUB AWARD
“Yes I CAN take the move back… my claw was still touching the piece.”
“You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with fricken’ laser beams strapped to their heads! Now evidently my cycloptic colleague informs me that that cannot be done. Ah, would you remind me what I pay you people for, honestly? Throw me a bone here! What do we have?”
“They’re chess playing lobsters.”
“Are they ill tempered?”
“Oh well, that’s a start.”
ZACH GALIFIANAKIS AWARD FOR SKEWED PERSPECTIVE
another good reason why lobsters should only play checkers
NOT NEWS: Fight over chess game.
NEWS: They’re lobsters.
FARK: They’re both left-handed!
CARTESIAN MEDITATION AWARD
“Time, silverware and chess are all irrelevant to us as lobsters. The question is: how did we get onto the table?”
ALTERNATIVE COMEDY META AWARD
There is actually an incredibly moving back story to this image that involves lust, broken mentality, and the ties of friendship….but that would be too hard to write about, so instead I am just going to reference pop culture!
Lobster 1 – “Movie quote, verb, Movie quote”
Lobster 2 – “Pun about chess and/or lobsters”
THE WHAAA? AWARD
If they had knives
They would play chess.
THE “FAR SIDE” CAPTION AWARD
In the final moments of the game, Barnaby and Finneaus realized there were no winners. The pieces were swept aside, the knives were clasped in their claws and the fight was on!
Lobster 1: One false move Homarus and I will pierce you to the Cephalothorax!
Lobster 2: You best make haste Telson! I have a foil of my own, and we shall see who has the upper Cheliped!
TIMELY REFERENCE AWARD
To Save Some Pride, They killed Themselves Before Kirstie Alley Could.
EXTRA CREDIT AWARD
TOO LATE AWARD
I know it’s too late but: Prawns look on as Pawns get Rooked
Lobster chess has fared only slightly better than the WNBA in ratings.
BENNY HILL AWARD IN THE AREA OF PUN ACHIEVEMENT
“There’s no use crying over spilt….milt!
…and an award many of us can particularly relate to…
“If he pulls a knife, you pull a….well a knife I guess”
“Hey crapbag you forgot the black pieces, looks like we have to settle this with knives or a dance off like in that Michael Jackson video.”
“Who put a mirror on the other side of this chess board.?”
P.S. These are all dumb, but I wanted to put my two cents in at least.
Once again I thank you all for your time and salute your creativity. You guys are “the mutt’s nuts” as they say in Britannia.
As an added bonus, here was the outcome of the lobster fight. You’ll notice the one lobster is very classy because he’s eating lobster.