If you are Sonic The Hedgehog or Mario, your entire existence hinges upon the Sisyphean pursuit of 8-bit/16-bit gold coins/rings (though this occupation is clearly more existential for Sonic than Mario). This might seems innocuous, but it raises several urgent questions:
1. Where is the infinite-void savings account that our blue buddy is storing these funds?
2. How is the gold converted directly into his life force? 2a. Is he eating the gold? 2b. I want the gold; gimme the gold. 2c. Who all seen the leprechaun?
3. Is that a social commentary about wealth’s correlation to longevity?
4. Are we thereby teaching kids Method Man’s life philosophy about success? Dolla Dolla bills y’all?
I am going to go with a solid maybe, solely because it’s excessively bizarre to think about a video game hedgehog “making it rain” all over his miniature adversaries every time he gets injured. Like, sup little mutant forest creature? I know you just mildly bruised my impossibly slender legs, but I am not about to let that f–k up my whole day. I am better than you. Way better than you. In fact, bout to make it rain gold on yaaaa.
Or you know, something like that.
Charli XCX‘s sugary yet distorted track about living in a cartoonishly ostentatious manner captures that completely twisted version of Sonic: “Gold coins everywhere, dollars up in the air…Gold coins out the window / money pours like the rain falls.” Somehow, this song makes Sonic’s most vulnerable moments on his quest to foil Dr. Robotnik his most triumphant.
The lesson here is vanquish your foes with success, and if all else fails, jump on their heads and see where that gets you.