In today’s installment of “things you didn’t know you needed and actually probably don’t need at all,” it looks like we’re getting a Monopoly musical. According to Entertainment Weekly, Hasbro announced that they’ve partnered with the Araca Group to produce Monopoly: The Musical. Now, the Araca Group has produced Broadway musicals like Urinetown, Wicked, and Rock of Ages, but this one might prove to be a bit of a challenge. Let’s look at the game itself, shall we?
Monopoly, whose earliest form dates back to 1903, has pretty much no story of its own and is mostly about bankrupting your friends. This is why it’s so easy to make versions of the game pegged to Lord of the Rings and Star Wars. (The lack of story in Monopoly is why, when Hasbro left Rey out of the Star Wars version and claimed that it was because of “spoilers,” fans lost their minds. There are no spoilers here! That’s not how the game works. What, I was spoiled when the thimble and the little dog hung out together because it gave away plot points? End rant.)
Anyway, this would mean that some sort of story is going to have to be hung on the real estate conceit. What sort of lyrics will we get? “I’m an ace!/I bought Park Place!” “Gee, that luxury tax can really get you down/I wonder when a I’ll pass ‘Go’ and get another round.” (I am clearly not a lyricist.) Hasbro has called this upcoming song and dance adventure a “unique and immersive experience for people of all ages.” Uh huh. The only thing immersive about Monopoly is the constant battle to catch your sister hiding $500 bills under the board.
“Monopoly is one of the most iconic gaming brands of all time,” Simon Waters, Hasbro General Manager and Senior VP for Entertainment and Consumer Products, said in a statement. “Hasbro is dedicated to delivering new and exciting ways for consumers to interact with all of our brands and this stage adaptation will do just that.”
Look, maybe it will work. Lots of us were wrong about The LEGO Movie, which ended up being pretty darn fantastic. This just seems like an odd game choice. Make one about the Easy-Bake Oven; we can already hear little kids singing about cupcakes made with lightbulbs and burning their fingers in search of the perfect dessert. Or Lite-Bright! Think of the lighting design you could do. Monopoly, though? Sigh. Fine. Everyone is leaving the cast of Hamilton anyway, so we needed some new Broadway obsession. Just tweet me/us @JennaBusch/@Nerdist and tell us who you think should be cast as the little tycoon in the funny hat. (Do not say Trump.)
Featured Image: Hasbro