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Minecraft: A Quick Non-Primer on Maps

I’ve been playing Minecraft for a month or so now and I can’t find my house. Or any of my houses. Or underground lairs. Or small lava pools or pig sanctuaries or partially landscaped, strangely laid out amphitheaters, or what I thought was a cool idea at the time, water parks for chickens, or even my pick axe thing.

So I guess I need a map. Duh. And I know I can craft a map out of sugar cubes or butterfly ephemera or some such nonsense, but, honestly, guys, I can barely craft a stick without getting distracted by bath pigs, so I don’t really see that happening. I just want to build a third of a house with some ill placed torches and a bed thrown haphazardly in the pool sanctuary (which is really just an accidental place where I dug too close to the ocean) and maybe some kind of sex dungeon, and then, usually, I am pretty drunk on wine, so I pass out on the couch after tweeting about an octopus eating a cow.

Then there is something called Minecraft Maps, which I guess is like how you can share tracks you create in Trials, but instead of LOTR Eyes of Saurons (ssss), you create a fantasy world where your house is built into the side of a mountain and the days all run together and you never age. Totally different.

I know I’m not alone in losing my shit (heh) playing Minecraft, and also possibly being lulled into a sense of dreamy complacency by the dinky dinky music. I have watched a nine-year-old girl lose her house and find it again and then giggle a lot because she replaced her head with a square pumpkin while making a wall out of wool. So it seems pretty regular as far as Minecrafting goes.

Anyway that is how not to play Minecraft with maps. Plus, you can kill cows, but I don’t because I’m not an asshole.


  • You know I didn’t understand the appeal of minecraft, then I got it when it came to the xbox… It is soooooooo addicting and fun, I have lost days building stuff and mining.

  • You want to talk about getting lost in Minecraft? In my game world I’ve been walking West for the past year trying to reach the Far Lands (the “end” of the world), the save file is now over 3GB and I’m well over 300km from my spawn point and still going… and I can’t remember if I left the door open at my home base.

  • Dig a hole, stick a door on it, throw in a box and a bed… Then chop down every tree in sight and build a 3 mile high monolith on the roof. Oh, and stick torches all over the aforementioned monolith.

    Yer still gonna lose it, but this way you can make it into a challenge.

  • I love minecraft! I have found that an easy way not to lose your house is to make a marker. A marker that reaches up to heavens and place a couple of torches up there so you can see it in the night. Also build your house in a distinct recognizable area. I built mine in the mountains next to river. So if I get lost I just follow the river back to the mountains and boom my house! I don’t quite get making your own house I just. Built mine into the mountains and it looks great. I am even making an underwater safe house. And the last helpful hint I can give is never build in the jungle. That place is a clusterf***.

  • I feel your pain. I got this cool seed from a youtube highlights. I started mining right away and went down into a steep valley in the jungle thought it looked pretty and decided to set up Base Camp. Was a horribly noob mistake. I still couldn’t find it for a month. I then luckily started mining right out side of a village and mined my way back into my original base camp. Was so glad since I stored most of my materials and tools there in the beginning. I never realized how addictive this game is. It makes it even more addictive when you add powercraft or industrial craft. nothing like mining entire sections at once.