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Matt Ogles Kristen Stewart and Writes Some Stuff About Music

So the only reason I am writing about the new Twilight soundtrack is so that I have an excuse to look at some sexy pictures of Kristen Stewart.

Yeah! Well, now that I can look at this picture while I type, I should be able to focus, or maybe it’s the exact opposite, because I’m looking at boobs and not really paying attention to typing or the point of my article or run on sentences.

All right, now that I have scrolled down far enough that Kristen Stewart is out of sight, I can get down to business (nope, not that business [I already did that]):  Four movies deep and I still don’t understand why Twilight insists on using talented artists to soundtrack the tweeniest franchise in the history of shittiness. Why not just own up to your lack of cinematic integrity and score your movie with this, or maybe this?

The Breaking Dawn Part 1 soundtrack employs the same tactics as the previous three soundtracks: Round up a mix of popular and indie artists and threaten to murder their family pets unless they record original songs for the movie. The musicians weigh their options, agree, and make a soundtrack that is hilariously better than the actual movie.

Therefore, you can thank creative extortion for the presence of The Joy Formidable, Iron & Wine, and The Features on the Breaking Dawn Part 1 soundtrack. And because I am 100% sure this is the method by which they gather artists, it seems like a bunch of cooler indie bands no longer have their dogs and hamsters. The acts that appear on the current soundtrack hardly compare to the lineup of the previous album, which included the likes of the Dead Weather, Beck, and the Black Keys. In lieu of more recognized indie acts, the Breaking Dawn Part 1 soundtrack relies more heavily upon Bruno Mars (read: Tyler, The Creator’s thoughts on Bruno Mars), lesser known bands, and ominous instrumental interludes.

I don’t know exactly how to feel about this. Happy that the Twilight series no longer has the same street cred that it formerly possessed? Sad that animals are likely dead as a result? A mix of both?

Once I compressed these confused feelings into a ball of angsty-vampire rage, I finally sat and listened to the album all the way through. Two things occurred to me over the course of 19 tracks:

1. I am thankful for the private listening option on Spotify, and

2. Twilight soundtracks are…..good. Ugh.


Even though I didn’t recognize some of the bands and really hoped for this soundtrack to suck, I found myself revisiting a lot of the songs on the album. The Belle Brigade kill it on “I Didn’t Mean It,” which is a head-thumping piano romp. I am also really digging the Joy Formidable’s track, “Endtapes,” which is reminiscent of their single “Whirring” off their first album.

Once again, I find myself a victim of the horrible marketing juggernaut that is Twilight. Twilight, you shake my convictions to the core. I am Jacob and you are Edward; the only thing we will ever have in common is Bella (music).

To sum up the thrust of this article:

1. I’m in line for Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 1 right now.

2. Kristen Stewart is a Baberham Lincoln.

Follow me on twitter! @MattGrosinger


  1. Master Dingo says:

    Are you looking at sexy picture or are you looking at Kristen Stewart? The two activities are not at all similar. :)

  2. Sandra Halley says:

    Please close your mouth Kristen Stewart. Mouth breathers aren’t welcome

  3. wade says:

    Three words.

    Eat a sandwich.

  4. Hannah says:

    Where’s Buffy when you need her?

  5. Jess says:

    I have to agree with your article. As much as the Twilight saga movies make me wish for a better tomorrow(unless I’m rifftrax-ing them), their soundtracks are very entertaining and catchy. There’s a real good movement in the compilation of all tracks. At least some good came out of it all

  6. Siladar says:

    It does look like she is tripped out on some kind of drugs, doesn’t it? I also stared at the picture and I still can’t find any boob, I will keep trying to find them.

  7. Nathaniel Wedgington Hornswaggle III says:

    She always looks like she’s never slept. Or maybe is just on drugs of some kind.

  8. seven says:

    I see way more collarbone than boob.

  9. Rod says:

    There’s two of them, can’t one be named Kristen and one Kristin?

  10. Cassandra says:

    Wait, what boobs? They’re nearly nonexistent…

  11. Good catch! I am a weak weak, distractable man…

  12. Stephanie says:

    It’s Kristen, not Kristin. I know boobs are distracting, but a little fact-checking never hurt anyone.