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LHC Acting Like A Little Bitch

Is a hadron a lazy bitch who won’t do its work? If so, then the LHC is a large one of those. Black Hole enthusiasts will have to wait until Spring ’09 to be crushed into a singularity after a recent electrical tantrum thrown by this 5-billion dollar Swiss celebutante. Described in schematics as “the part that looks like Optimus Prime’s eye,” the LHC is too cool at the moment to be entered by scientists but researchers feel that their “intense Frenchness” will warm it up and get them inside it in about a month, right before it takes the winter off for ski season. During that time, CERN officials will fill their days with “soft hitting contests,” whereby an excessively hard punch will forfeit the match on the first try.

The Large Hadron Collider is ranked #32 in FHM’s upcoming “Mechanical Sluts” issue.



Optimus image: Paramount

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  1. I wanted to smack Mr. LHC in the eyeballs when they went all lil’bitches that day. I was all WTF MATE?╖¿ le sigh.

  2. Kerry says:

    dammit all….. i want my God particle and i want it NOW. 🙁

  3. Beaucifer says:

    What pisses me off is that I’ve been sleeping in my hermetically sealed “end of the world bunker” (endorsed by the Dept. of Homeland Security and Sarah Conner) just waiting to be sucked ass end into oblivion via Europe. I hate waiting.

    What’s funny is that I often loose in the soft hitting contest.

  4. Tara says:

    I guess I should wait to buy mine until after there’s a firmware update, then?

  5. DmDuB says:

    And since they planed to do the actual collision during the winter months and have now moved it to the spring I predict…way more problems to come and a big waste of $$$. The ideal temperature for the collision to occur in is almost ablsolute Kelvin (around -273 Celsius), good luck with that in the spring. Congrats to your Hardwick for discovering what a transformer eyeball really is. Ohh yeah and I think technically the LHC would be a Big Bitch.