As the rest of the world was in excitement overload for the newest Star Wars: The Force Awakens trailer, one savvy businessman/woman/jawa was hard at work trying to sell the downed Imperial Star Destroyer from the opening shot on Craigslist [now removed].
Clearly made by a true Star Wars fan, the ad is full of accurate nods to the Empire’s tech. The features are laid out quite alluringly for anyone looking to buy. It’s “fully equipped with LeGrange targeting computers, heavy ion cannons, Phylon Q7 tractor beam projectors, leather bucket seats, and a 15-disc CD changer.” The seller also assures us that it turns over on the first try but may need a new serpentine belt. That’s always the case with used vehicles, am I right? The seller knows it’s not in tip top shape and needs it off his property so they’re open to trades or best offers, however they insist “no minds tricks.”
“…perfect for long road trips with the family, discovering new galaxies, picking up girls for dates, and general destruction of your enemies.”
And of course it wouldn’t be a Craigslist ad without a buyer beware posting. A potential buyer apparently checked it out and was not pleased in the slightest. The unhappy customer goes on to say “I’d be surprised if this thing could even finish the Kessel run, let alone do it in a decent time. It’s totally infested with roaches and womp rats, so when you figure the cost of a 6.2 trillion cubic foot fumigation job, this thing is a total write-off…”
That right there says it all, don’t you think?
Junked Imperial vehicles might be a real concern in the new movies. Anyone want to start a galactic salvage company with me? Or do you think the Jawas have the market cornered?