I love my Mac – so simple and accommodating. I’d marry it if it had a mating port. It fills my needs, except for one. From time to time, I long for the comfort of a picture slapped together on MS Paint. Those lo-fi looks warm my heart. The jagged lines and construction paper colors pull me backwards into nostalgia.
In my past, when I got bored of boredom, I’d boot up the Dell and wait five agonizing minutes until the tower no longer sounded like a space shuttle launch. (This was my signal to continue. If I jumped the gun, it would crash. I pretty much paid to be annoyed all the time.) I zigged and zagged through Google images, looking for whatever strummed my strings and tickled my toes. I took to those pictures like Jason Voorhees at a campfire orgy. Then, just enough to not have talent, carefully cut like a back alley plastic surgeon to remove the traces of their previous years.
I’ll be honest. I did most of this in my underwear with a bag of Doritos and a liter of Code Red Mountain Dew, but who cares? I was an artist. I could be like Bam Margera and do whatever the fuck I wanted. I miss that. I do. Very much. Sure I could use Photoshop and Illustrator to make wicked pictures of Winona Ryder on the back of a fire-breathing dragon chasing after puppies. They lack the rough-around-the-edges look I desire though. (I also couldn’t make that. I suck with those programs. Someone make it and tweet me a link so I can post it.) Those programs deserve to be used for the greater good of advertising and fake celebrity nudes. These absolutely incredible Star Wars: A New Hope and Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back gifs are perfect examples of what I mean. Only on Paint do these come together so nicely.
Maybe this is just the sad ramblings of a man-boy who longs for the past, but I miss MS Paint dearly. If anyone knows of a great, nearly illegal copycat of Paint for the Mac, please share this information. I will go as far as typing “Thank You” in the comments just for you.
Got some MS Paint art you’re proud of? Leave a link in the comments or tweet me. I’ll RT it if you pass the test of me not being lazy at the moment I look at it.