Two weeks ago, in the midst of a Harry Potter nerd session I said to a friend of mine, “McGonagall’s p**sy so hairy HAGRID wu’ent gamekeep it” and thus “Hogwart’s SNAPS” was born. Naturally, I slapped it onto Twitter not really thinking it would get much more than a “wah-WAH.” Instead, other H-Snaps began to slowly trickle in, so in a spontaneous moment of excitement and nerdiness I threw down the Hogwarts SNAPS challenge, with first prize being a $50 iTunes gift card.
What I further hadn’t expected was that my Tweet-test would generate nearly 400 entires. Needlesstosay (a fun mega-word), it took me a while to put everything together and for that, I apologize. If you still care, I have finally posted the winner:
Yo momma so fat her patronus is a cake
Congratulations to R_Silent! It is important to note that there was a lot of cross-over with the entries. There were a couple other food patroni (I took Latin) but this one was the first of its kind I saw. It made me laugh out loud then, and it has been the one that has stayed with me the last couple weeks when I describe the contest to people who don’t know about it. The sheer simplicity of a free-floating, wispy silver piece of cake is fantastic.
Below are some notable Honorable Mentions. They make my brain happy. For those of you with disposable amounts of time, you can see the COMPLETE list of every single entry here. But be WARNED kids! Some of these are filthy!
JanetVarney: Yo momma so fat the Sorting Hat put her in all four houses
chris8675309: Your momma so fat, she looked in the mirror of Erised and saw a ham
PeterVRules: Your momma’s so old she gave Nicholas Flamel his first handjob
chris8675309: Yo mamma so nasty, the order of the phoenix was “stay away from that bitch”
chris8675309: Yo mamma so stupid, she thinks Sirius Black is the soul station on satellite radio
sarazafar: Yo mama so fat she tried to eat Cornelius Fudge
dino_rider: Yo mama’s so ugly the Dementor’s Kiss was swapped out for a hearty handshake and a promise to give her a call sometime.
reppocs: Yo momma so black, she’d probably get sorted in to Ravenclaw and would be a minor character at best
bradheintz: Yo mama so nasty, Dobby wouldn’t take her sock
Burnaway: Yo momma so skanky, even her patronus got knocked up
chompychomp: Yo mama so stupid, she drowned in a pensieve
Dick_M: yo momma so dumb she thought that she could talk to snakes if she put parsley on her tongue
dtejano: Yo mama’s so masculine, she makes Dumbledore go, “DAAAYYYUMM!”
habcous: yo mamma so nasty, every pair of her panties has the Dark Mark
HakSolo: your mom is so fat if she confronted a boggart it would morph into a treadmill
finnigan37: Your mama’s so nasty she got naked and turned @The_Real_Shaq into @The_Shrieking_Shack
dantelfer: Yo mamma so fat, she has to enchant her panties into a portkey to get out of a chair
dantelfer: Yo mamma’s cooch is so nasty it has its own house elf
dirk_funk: Yo mama so fat it takes two boggarts to shape-shift into her
Kingdaddy1773: Your family is so poor you have to bus in from Narnia every morning
MarioEGarcia: yo mama so poor she went to Honeydukes and put a chocolate frog on layaway
melgotserved: Yo momma’s so fat she got stuck in the Floo Network
melgotserved: Yo momma’s so fat her wand is a Slim Jim
MikeDrucker: Yo’ Momma so fat she joined the Death Eaters ’cause she was hungry
MikeDrucker: After she’s done being skanky, yo’ momma hides her tramp stamp by saying “Mischief Managed”
MsJG: Yo Momma’s so fugly that even Voldemort won’t speak her name
nicofopolous: Yo Momma’s so muggles she gave my hog warts
nthornton: Your momma’s ass is so saggy, she’s being sued for copyright infringement by Neville Longbottom
paulscheer: Yo Mamma is so fat that even the Dementors can’t suck out her soul in one sitting
phirm: Mama so nasty, everybody call her “She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Naked”
phirm: Yo mama so fat you couldn’t find her pu**y with the Room of Requirement
PinheadX: Yo mamma coochie so hairy it look like she ridin’ a Nimbus 2000 backwards
TheonetrueCams: your mum’s P#$$y is like the Slytherin common room, it smells foul and its always full of snakes
TheonetrueCams: Yo Mum is just like a Dementor, always looking for some “Serious” Black
Taborifica: Yo momma so fat even her Quidditch robes have stretch marks
randbot: yo mama so fat, when your parents have sex yo daddy gotta cast “accio vagina”
Thanks to everyone who participated! You’re all huge nerds and for that, I love you. Again, for the complete list of submissions you may go here.
Original Harry Potter images: Warner Bros.