Holy cats and dragons you guys: winter might actually be coming — but like, for real this time. As the finale of the fifth season of Game of Thrones draws near and the sheer go-anywhereness the show has embodied as it moves further away from its source material, speculation is a natural part of the equation. Some might even call it wildly fun and absurd. And by “some” we mean “us.” Well, OK, me specifically. But I digress!
It is with that in mind that we decided to go whole hog on that speculation train. Falling far down the rabbit hole of “what if”-ness these photos create in our attempt to predict what may or may not happen on this Sunday’s finale of the juego de tronos. Sure, we could go through all the myriad book possibilities and give you some actual, potentially accurate information. But where’s the fun in that? Where’s the exciting, zippy tingle of the unknown in that? Where’s the room for silly in-jokes and general stupidity in the name of loving obsession? NOWHERE, that’s where!
So without further ado, we present to you our totally realistic and highly plausible speculatory points based on a couple of photos.
First up? This photo of Cersei. Look how pretty she looks! Well, OK, at least compared to last week. (Somebody must’ve given her something other than water-off-the-ground.) We’re fairly certain by the looks of this picture and the next (below), EVERYTHING is going to turn out GREAT for Cersei. Like just amazing! She’ll probably even get to be full-on Queen rather than a measly Queen Regent to the actual king. Folks all across Westeros will surely line the streets to shout her name with glee.
Look at how she smiles as the High Sparrow prays over her. Clearly this photo depicts Cersei being forgiven for her moral crimes. I bet this is the moment he said something like, “It’s cool — the Targaryen family slept with each other all the time! You do you, girl!” Her eyes are so content in their closed-ness, aren’t they? Peace will be with you soon, dear LanniLady.
Over at Castle Black, Jon Snow looks pretty grumpy. But that’s a great thing! Because, you see, this particular know-nothinger ALWAYS looks all bummed out and grim-like, so this probably means things are going fine. He’s probably telling Sam about his new buddy Coldemort. They’re probably just gossiping over some tea about how uptight that guy seemed and why Olly is so great. The episode will end with them taking Olly under their wing. Maybe they’ll even sing a song!
OK for real though if this isn’t a photo of Sansa getting the fuck out of Winterfell with her new BFF Brienne of Tarth I QUIT EVERYTHING.
DOWN WITH STANNIS! STANNIS IS NO MANNIS! STANNIS MURDERED SWEET, SWEET SHIREEN and therefore he is DEAD TO ME. Think this means he’ll win the whole thing?
You see at how Jaqen’s just staring off into the many-faced distance with a bit of a stink in his nose? He’s actually watching Arya scrub a dead body (OOH OOH OOH MERYN TRANT MAYBE?) that’s particularly ripe. Which means at the end of the episode Arya probably becomes Meryn Trant.
Welp, we gotta be real/there’s no two ways around this: without Dany, these three are fucked.
What do YOU think is going to happen on Sunday night? Let us hear it in the comments.
Alicia Lutes is the Associate Editor of The Nerdist. She may own the Baratheon crown but she is totally a Targaryen. Find her on the Tweet Machine @alicialutes.