Hello, fair citizens of the Realm! It’s that time of year again—the most wonderful of them all—Game of Thrones season. And, in addition to winter: spoilers are coming! As this is a recap, it goes over everything in crazy detail, so proceed at your own risk and don’t say we didn’t warn you in the comments below.
I don’t even know where to BEGIN with this episode, you guys. Because, outside of the obvious—YES WE ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT JON SNOW don’t rush us WE’LL GET THERE—a lot happened during tonight’s episode: arguably more than in the premiere (sorry, sweet, dead princes of Dorne). Episode two of Thrones‘ sixth season, “Home,” focused big time on family, and set up some seriously huge forward momentum for the rest of the season for several main players—especially in the North.
First up? Let’s rattle through the smaller moments from the episode so we can get to the meaty goodness: Arya’s still blind, still stickfighting, though apparently she won’t have to be a beggar anymore. Cool. At least her sister Sansa knows she’s still alive at least.
Over at the Iron Islands, Theon’s dad Balon Greyjoy is dead, thanks to his certifiably insane brother, Euron, who came home to toss his older brother over a rope bridge (PSA: never fight with your siblings during a windy night on a rope bridge). Looks like Reek will have quite the messy Kingsmoot to witness if/when he gets home to Pyke (but no way that’s actually happening, right?). Oh and, lest we forget, Bran is back and having visions! He saw baby Ned Stark and his little brother Benjen fighting at Winterfell alongside
HODOR Willis, the very talkative, not-at-all duosyllabic young stable boy and Young Nan, the younger version of Old Nan. It was adorable—and also kudos to Bran and the Three-Eyed Raven for finally coloring in the background of this story for us (YES I SAW YOU IN THAT TEASER FOR NEXT WEEK, TOWER OF JOY FLASHBACK).
Elsewhere in the episode, The Mountain murdered a drunk braggart, Tommen and Jaime visited Myrcella’s body and got into it with the High Sparrow, and Cersei drank away the horror that comes with realizing you have the same haircut as your boyking son. And the other still-left-alive Lannister, Tyrion, nearly lost his life playing footsie with a couple of dragons. Watch yourself, boy—they will eat the help. Although Tyrion not dying at the hand (claw? firebreath?) of a couple of dragons has only convinced me all the more that he’s a secret Targaryen. SO THERE.
OK, NOW WE CAN TALK ABOUT RAMSAY BOLTON (JON SNOW, YOU’RE NEXT), that little shit. I mean COME ON, right? We all hate our family sometimes but murdering your dad before feeding your stepmom and half-brother to your hounds is a bit extreme. And that’s saying something considering this guy has consistently been the worst human alive in the Realm since the death of King Jeffrey. It was horrific—though at first I thought Roose had stabbed Ramsay because he didn’t need him as an heir anymore. So I was shocked when I realized it was Roose, even though we 100% should not have been all that surprised. With sons like Ramsay, who needs enemies, amirite?! Needless to say, something tells us his little attempt to overthrow Lord Commander Snow at Castle Black and take the North isn’t going to go so well (one could only hope).
Which, speaking of Jon Snow: JON SNOW IS ALIIIIIIIIIIVE! JON SNOW: ALIVE. AS IN, TOTALLY NOT DEAD. Which, a few things: 1.) YAS queen, 2.) holy crap, 3.) do we think he’ll actually be himself?, 4.) why didn’t he come back to life instantly?, 5.) do we think he didn’t realize he’d warged into Ghost and then floated over to his body?, 6.) OMG JON SNOW!!!
Now, we all knew this was coming. It was the worst kept secret to end all worst kept TV secrets. But that doesn’t take away from how exciting it was to have happened at all—because Melisandre did not seem confident in her abilities. (Just like a woman to underestimate her own strength.) Melisandre’s Imposter Syndrome aside, Jon Snow’s return to the land of the living was the salve we needed to get over just how downright fucked up Ramsay Bolton was in this episode. That, and Dolorous Edd’s crashing arrival with the Wildlings to Castle Black—honestly would’ve kissed that fucker on the mouth if I was anywhere near him when he uttered, “The only traitors here are the ones who drew their blades against the lord commander of the Night’s Watch.” TELL ‘EM, BOY!
Now we just have to wait and see what Jon’s going to do now that he’s a Real Boy®!
We have to talk about that moment between Meera Reed and the Child of the Forest, Leaf. Particularly the moment where she said, “Brandon Stark needs you … he isn’t going to stay here forever,” because WAIT really?
I thought once you fused with the tree that made it, uh, sorta hard to be mobile?
- Fun Fact: my computer won’t stop autocorrecting Euron to Enron so make of that what you will.
- The Glovers have retaken Deepwood Motte. (This just feels like good information to know.)
- “If I lost my cock I’d drink all the time,” Tyrion, comin’ in hot with the color commentary.
- “Don’t eat the help!” Tyrion, still killing the game as the wittiest motherfucker in all the Known Realm.
- “If I ever have a plan like that again, punch me in the face.” (See? HE SLAYS.)
- “I’m asking the woman who showed me miracles exist.” Leave it to Ser Davos to know all the right things to say, you guys.
But what did you think of Jon Snow’s return? How about all that stuff with Ramsay? Let us know in the comments below!