Maybe all those Game of Thrones references and jokes were actually pointing to something bigger, eh? Peter Dinklage may not break out into song and dance (OK not ALL the time), but those warring multi-kingdom vibes were all over Galavant‘s season finale, as — uh, spoiler alert even though this is a recap and you should all know better by now — everyone’s stories have scattered across a far and many lands. But wait — we’re getting ahead of ourselves. We’re getting ahead of The Moment! And as we learned Sunday night (and every other week for that matter), it’s all about the execution.
Galavant’s whole life has been about making his father proud (as all good knights are wont to do) and rising to the occasion when The Moment arrives. That moment, he thought, was playing the role of stand-in for King Richard in the battle for Valencia. Only right as The Moment was about to begin, “a pointy-hatted army” arrived on the scene to mix things up. They weren’t out for blood though — they were blood itself!
Which is the corniest way one could choose to tell you that Isabella’s cousin — and fiancé TWIST — Prince Harry (not ginger) had arrived from his neighboring kingdom to save the day. He’s like 10, by the way. His arrival, naturally, caused a postponal of the duel in favor of a feast (13th century rules are crazy dignified) and postponing the duel. Only…no one told Sid that, who heard the revelry and assumed Gal was dead, forcing he and The Jester to scheme their way into the throne room. They succeed! (“We should’ve done this before they killed Galavant.”) …but theirs was a success most fleeting, because with a nightmare afoot in the royal intestines thanks to Chef (Vincenzo!) and Gwen’s plot to murder everyone with poison, the dynamics had changed. (Chef the House Elf only irritated their allergies though — he could never kill anyone.)
Gal was still alive, but King Richard’s newfound gumption (thanks a lot, Gareth) to be his own champion landed the rest back in the dungeons. Not a good look for our now only alleged hero, but it also gave us an Alan Menken winking Little Mermaid moment with Sid standing in for Sebastian because good lord, Gal, when are you going to give into the cosmic forces (read: written in the guidebooks of fairy tale storytelling everywhere) at place? You gonna kiss de girl? Well no not yet not exactly.
Because distraction was already afoot. You see, Valencia’s incredibly penetrable dungeons allowed Galavant to sneak off again and formulate a master plan: a secret mission to kill Kingsley with King Richard. Only the duo found out the hard way that stumbling around singing about how you’re going to kill now-King Kingsley isn’t the best way to surprise-murder someone (buuuuuuuuut hey, a few slugs from the ol’ meade-mug will do that to you). This resulted in Richard getting banished to the dungeons with Galavant. I mean obviously.
Perhaps more shocking was the remarkable happening that came next: Gareth felt his feelings. Try as he might to resist it, he loves that goddamn king of his — even if he is an actual virgin who can’t drive (as if!). Which is exactly what allowed him to stoop so low as to say he was overtaken by a motley crew of total weirdos fleeing their own hanging death. And put Richard and Galavant (his protector now!) on a boat back to Richard’s old kingdom. (It probably wasn’t love that steered his decision-making in keeping Sid.)
This left Isabella in dire straights, forcing her back to her wee cousin Prince Harry’s kingdom to seek creepy, dollhouse-esque refuge. (Not cute little prince, not cute at all!)
And no, we have not forgotten about Madalena: that truly evil queen (and the only real evil on the show) went and stabbed her new King Kingsley in the literal back, before stabbing King Richard in the metaphorical back …by making Gareth her new king. TWIIIIIIIST!
Fun Quotes and Other Things of Note:
– Friendly reminder that KING RICHARD IS A VIRGIN WHO CAN’T DRIVE.
– Isabella better put the lotion in the basket or else she’s going to get the hose again (stay strong, girl).
– “We’re just here for the jokes.”/”Story of my life.”
– Madalena’s A+-iest zinger: “Oh look at that, I made it fun for me again.”
– King Richard: “I haven’t laughed so hard in minutes.”
– Shoutout to Galavant for playing the lute! (“I didn’t play my lute for weeks.”)
– There’s a really easy dirty “lute” joke I could make in there but I won’t because my mom reads the Internet (but my last name is Lutes so just use your imagination).
– “Will all the singing kill our Nielsen ratings?”
Do you think Galavant will be back for a season two? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.