Everyone needs to just give up waiting on a third Gremlins movie. It’s been 32 years since the original was released and 26 years since the second one came out. The moment has passed. Besides, even if they did make another installment today, it would probably look way too glossy and be full of super-high quality special effects. Heck, it might not even be cheesy. Who needs that! We want the aesthetic of a gritty, dark, muddled ’80s film, full of absurd tropes and horror movie cliches, like the kind you could only get back in the actual 1980s. A new Gremlins film could never recapture that feeling.
But you know what can? A lost scary movie from the ’80s. One that sorta/kinda/definitely has a thing or two in common with Gremlins, including the great Zach Galligan in the leading role. Just in time for Nerdoween, we here at Nerdist have discovered the lost, soon-to-be-classic film that can out-Gremlin Gremlins. Introducing: Groblins!
The lost feature stars Galligan alongside Barbara Crampton (Re-Animator, You’re Next), Michael Berryman (Weird Science, The Hills Have Eyes), newcomer Lindsey Pelas, and that beloved treasure from the 1980s Corey Feldman, who plays the no-nonsense, ain’t-gonna-take-any-sort-of-shenanigans-in-his-town sheriff. And of course, there’s also the strange, cute-ish pet at the center of all the problems, Fizmo the Morgway.
And oh man, morgways are totally different, and totally more dangerous, than mogwais. You do not want it to get uncomfortably warm in your house around a morgway, or for the noise level to get a little too loud. And feeding them candy? That’s the biggest danger of them all. If you thought spawning a bunch of monsters around Christmas time was scary, wait until you have to deal with an army of Groblins on Halloween—a dangerous time, what with all the candy. Everyone knows the rules about not feeding a morgway candy! The prophecy is very clear about that.
So who needs a third Gremlins movie? Groblins has everything we would want from it anyway. Like Zach Galligan, an almost adorable lovable little pet, and lots of terror. The very specific kind we could only get in the ’80s.
What similarity between Gremlins and Groblins was your favorite? The prophecy foretells of you telling us in the comments below.