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FANTASTIC BEASTS Magical Animal Rankings Part 2: #72-51

FANTASTIC BEASTS Magical Animal Rankings Part 2: #72-51

We’re celebrating this week’s release of the Harry Potter prequel Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them by ranking every magical animal listed in the Hogwarts textbook that gives the movie its name. Make sure to check out Part 1, where we talked about Newt Scamander‘s famous work, and also why we decided it was best not to keep fully conscious beings in a zoo.

Now that we’ve avoided insulting centaurs and merpeople, and also elected not to gawk at the pain of werewolves, we are ready to journey through our magical zoo. Before we enter the gates though, just a note that while some of these magical beasts have been seen in the Harry Potter movies, or are set to appear in Fantastic Beasts, many have never been formally shown. So in many cases we have to rely only on Newt’s often brief descriptions and our imaginations, to picture what they might really look like.

We’ve included all types of fun art that guesses what these animals might look like, but Newt’s own words matter the most. Beyond that our only guideline is this question: “If we could only see one of these creatures in person, which one would we pick?”

hagridWe meant “animal” creature, but this was a good answer.

We’ve also included every creature’s Ministry of Magic (M.O.M.) Classification danger ranking. From Newt’s book:

x: Boring
xx: Harmless/may be domesticated
xxx: Competent wizard should cope
xxxx: Dangerous/requires specialist knowledge/skilled wizard may handle
xxxxx: Known wizard killer/impossible to train or domesticate

Now either grab your broom, throw some Floo powder into the fireplace, steal a flying car, or locate a Port Key, and come with us as we rank the magical animals from 72-51.

newt-scamander-eddie-redmayne-fantastic-beasts-featured

#72: RAMORA (xx)

A silver fish, but one that can anchor entire ships. But what are we going to do with that? Ultimately this is just a normal looking fish. Would you be excited to go see a trout at a real zoo? The ramora is probably responsible for the legend behind the non-magical remora (with an “e”) fish which was believed to stop ships from sailing.

remora-fishA non-magical rEmora fish

We wouldn’t be excited about seeing either.

#71: KNARL (xxx)

It’s just a magical hedgehog with some strange eating habits. We couldn’t even be certain they didn’t place a real hedgehog in there because we wouldn’t know better as Muggles.

A photo posted by Lucie Němcová (@luscinka) on

Is this creature magical? Or was it purchased at Uncle Lou’s Pet Shoppe?

#70: GLUMBUMBLE (xxx)

A furry little flying grey insect that secretes a melancholy inducing molasses-like substance. You know what else produces melancholy? Spending too much time at the glumbumble exhibit.

#69: CRUP (xxx)

It looks just like a Jack Russell terrier with a forked tail, but even that is often removed (painlessly) by wizards to help conceal them. So this is basically a normal dog that hates Muggles and sometimes has a weird tail.

jack-russell-terrierA crup, or a totally normal dog? Impossible to know. (Credit: thedogworldtv)

If we weren’t giving bonus points for loving dogs we’d probably put this guy below the totally normal looking fish.

#68: JOBBERKNOLL (xx)

Our first “This animal is being ranked here, but…” creature, because a jobberknoll is really boring for its whole life, but then becomes totally fascinating when it dies. This very small, speckled blue bird is just a normal bird it’s entire silent life, but then its final moment is unlike anything else.

I’ll let Newt explain:

“It makes no sound until the moment of its death, at which point it lets out a long scream made up of every sound it has ever heard, regurgitated backwards.”

A photo posted by @fenja_laufeysdottir on

So, if you could somehow be guaranteed to visit the zoo on the day a jobberknoll died you’d move this little guy waaaaay up the list, but for 99.9999% of visitors to the zoo, it would just be a boring blue bird. It goes above the other magical beasts so far though because at least if you were looking at one you’d have a sliver of hope at seeing something remarkable.

#67: TEBO (xxxx)

A tebo* is an ashen warthog, but one that can make itself invisible. It would be cool to see a warthog running around in its pen, only for it to instantly disappear right in front of our eyes. However, when the best thing about looking at you is the part where we can’t see you, you don’t rank high on a zoo must-see list.

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