The Game of Thrones season six finale is here! Will we finally see what happened in The Tower of Joy and learn the truth of Jon Snow’s parentage? Might Cersei accidentally burn King’s Landing to the ground? Will Bran finally do something useful?
All great, important questions, but here’s another one: what are you bringing to that big finale viewing party? Please don’t say something lame like a bag of chips or a bottle of soda. That’s no fun, and if that was your plan you should feel shame. Shame. Shame. Shame.
Look, we can’t all be Jenn Fujikawa, but if Hot Pie can make a bread that vaguely looks wolf-ish, then we can all manage to bring something of value to the party realm. So thank the old gods and the new because I am here with easy-to-do, last second ideas to make sure your party is more successful than trial-by-combat with The Mountain.
We are starting with the simplest (laziest) thing possible for those of you hosting. Nothing is easier than buying bread, except maybe buying salt. Well make sure you have both, and offer them to your guests when they enter your house as a sign that you have taken them under your protection. It’s simple (seven hells, you can use pretzels for this!), but silly, and if you decide to murder them all later they’ll have no one to blame but themselves for not learning anything from season three.
Season six’s favorite sneering, murderous waif lends herself perfectly to a delectable treat. You don’t need much to make these and they don’t take that long, but no one has to know that:
- Vanilla wafers
- Microwavable dipping chocolate
- Vanilla frosting
Melt the chocolate, give each wafer a half dip in them, and place them on wax paper. Let them settle in the fridge for twenty minutes, and then put a dollop of frosting on them and make a cookie. These are delicious, but very sweet, so don’t go too heavy with the frosting. Eh, go heavy on the frosting. You only live once…unless some follower of R’hllor brings you back.
A SONG OF ICE AND PUNS
Okay, if you are really in a bind you can take an easy to make food and just make a Game of Thrones pun out of it. Want something for that vegetable platter? Serve up some Onion Knight Dip. A five-bean salad easily becomes Legume of Valyria. Frozen rolls warmed up with melted cheese? No, those are Buns of the Sharpy (Cheddar). Run to the bakery and you magically can get a Children of the Black Forest Cake, or quickly whip together some Faith of the Seven Layer bars.
Want something warm? Make some fried rice and potato balls, a.k.a. Loyalty Balls. Oh, that’s not a pun you say? It is when you make them with Brienne of Starch and Podrick Grayne.
A good pun is great, but a bad pun is the best.
“I DRINK, AND I KNOW THINGS”
What would a Game of Thrones party be without a drink (or if you’re a Lannister child, seventeen)? So here are two I have served at every single finale party with 100% approval.
Yes, this shot involves actual fire, and it will do just as much damage to your liver as the real stuff did to Stannis’s ships (except you’ll enjoy it way more than his soldiers did).
- Melon liqueur
- Gin (of your choosing)
- Bacardi 151
- A (long) lighter
Since these involve literal fire, don’t make these when you are drunk; make them to get drunk. The shot is equal parts melon liqueur and gin, but then use the back of a spoon to float some 151 on top of it. Turn off all the lights, and then set it on fire, Flaming Homer style. (Before you turn off all the lights, wipe up any liquid you may have spilled, trust me on that.) They look amazing–though it’s tough to capture how cool they look with my crappy camera–and taste good too (depending on the gin you use you might play around with the ratio to get it just right). Try not to let them burn for that long, and give the shot glass a second to cool off (or just don’t put it on your lips) when drinking it.
WHITE WALKERS (SHAKE)
Game of Thrones‘ season finales take place in summer, so of course you want to cool down with something refreshing, which is why these ice cream drinks inspired by the blue-eyes ice monsters north of the wall are the last things I serve before the episode starts.
- Vanilla ice cream
- Ice cubes
- Coconut rum (or white rum)
- Creme de menthe
- Crema de coco (coconut milk will do, it’s just for the flavor)
- Blue curacao
If you like exact recipes you’re going to hate this, but if you like drinking you’re going to love it, because you can put as much of the rum as you like. In a blender put a bunch of ice cream, a handful of ice cubes, a couple of tablespoons of the crema de coco, and then as much of the rum as you please, with half as much creme de menthe. These are phenomenal but dangerous, because they taste so good, you can easily forget how much liquor you put in.
You need the ice too, and make sure it gets blended well, because the last step is to take about a half teaspoon or so of the blue curacao and slowly pour it along the edge of the drink. Not only does it give the drink a great look, it really does add to the flavor.
Drink too many, though, and you’ll become a white walker.
BONUS: Imp’s Delight, Tyrion’s fantasy drink he mentioned this year, can literally be anything wine related. We’re making ours from a spiked sangria, but the key is to only serve it to your friends.
These are just a very few of the items my girlfriend and I have prepared for these season finale parties (we’ve made The Great Pyramid of Mereen out of Rice Krispies treats, The Wall out of layers and layers of cake and frosting, fried (Crab) Sand Cakes of Dorne, Dragon Glass candy, Dark Chicken Wings Dark Words to name just a few), but it’s less about what you make and more about the intent behind it, which is just to have fun.
So if you’re heading out for a viewing party, or hosting one yourself, try to add to the atmosphere by preparing a dish worthy of the Iron Throne. Otherwise, the only way to add authenticity is to invite your friend the evil ice zombie, and it’s going to be super awkward when you hold the door open for him.
Help out your fellow fans and give us your best last-second dish for a Game of Thrones party in the comments below.
Game of Thrones Images: HBO