When you go in for day surgery, the kind that necessitates you to be heavily medicated, you must be accompanied by someone you trust to drive you home. The hospital requires a person that will safely and responsibly get you back to comfort… and not the type of person that will fake a zombie apocalypse to freak you out.
Yeah, that’s a thing we’ll have to be on the lookout from now on, after two brothers (with help from their mother) tricked their high-on-pain-meds sister into thinking a zombie attack was underway. After taking Millicent in to have her wisdom teeth removed, her brother played a CD on the ride home that was designed to sound like a radio station breaking in with an emergency broadcast.
“The Center for Disease Control in Washington D.C. has issued a viral outbreak warning: state and local officials have reported cases of high fever, nausea, death, and even cannibalism. Stay in place until further notice.”
That was followed by a call from their mother urging them to hurry home, a loading up of (awful) weapons and (pointless) survival gear, and driving around trying to come up with a strategy. The real genius move here though was not ever saying the word “zombies” to Millicent, but leaving her alone so she could work it out on her own through the fog of her medication.
“What? Like cannibals…”
You might scream “fake!” as an experienced internet denizen, but I think this passes muster. One: the first brother is kind of terrible at selling this, and if this were fake I think he’d oversell it. Two: she seems really high from the medication (look at her eyes the entire time, that’s not easy to fake), and her reactions seem genuine.
We all like to think we know how we would react during a true zombie apocalypse*, but here we actually get to see someone’s true response. Honestly, I’d let Millicent into my survivor group. She isn’t fooling around and you need that. After all, she wisely realized that boxes of cake mix would do them no good in a zombie apocalypse.
Plus, Millicent has the ruthlessness needed to survive… although I feel terrible for the poor dog. That dog (in the short time he has remaining on this Earth) has to live with the knowledge his owner was eager to leave him to die at the hands of flesh-eating monsters. All that said, I’m not sure she’d be much help in Mexico if that’s all she knows in Spanish: “I can say pants.”
I think we’re all going to need to have our post-surgery drivers sign contracts that they won’t video tape us anymore though. Besides the personal violation of the sacred drive home, gags like this will make us all suffer from the Boy Who Cried Wolf Syndrome when the real thing hits.
Oh, and as for one last piece of Millicent’s wisdom, about going to Costco (“No, it’s gonna be a bloodbath in there.”), that also applies on a Saturday FYI.
So what’s your verdict? Real or fake? Tell us in the comments below.
*I’d be awesome, but then I’d get arrogant, resulting in the loss of life for many in our group, causing the rest to lose faith in me, resulting in a personal downward spiral, until I got to redeem myself by sacrificing my own life for the others, who would quickly forget I ever existed within a week.
Images: Cabot Phillips/YouTube