When I was in high school, I had a rule on exam days: always start things off with a breakfast cereal based on a major motion picture. The sugar buzz would keep me alert through the test, and the rest of the day hardly mattered. Standbys of the time–and this will date me–were Prince of Thieves cereal, with little crispy arrows that turned the milk green; and Addams Family cereal, which tasted like maple syrup for some reason.
Movie cereals seemed to take a hiatus in the late nineties and early oughts, but they’re back with a vengeance now. Star Wars and Minions have both seen the inside of my breakfast bowl, and now here comes Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice eats. In keeping with the movie’s theme, however, two competing cereals have been spawned: one for Batman, and one for Superman, snapped in the wild by Jason Helton at WhoseResponsibleThis.com. And like Prince during his WB contract dispute days, these cereals don’t even have names you can write, just symbols. Plus abs on the box that you will never have if you eat too many of the contents.
The flavors seem utterly arbitrary. Batman is chocolate and strawberry, which only sort-of half makes sense, since bats and chocolate are both brown. Superman, you’d think, might be a berry flavor based on his red and blue costume, but nope–caramel. Using the same logic, I can only presume that if a Wonder Woman cereal happens down the line, it will be green apple-flavored, since she has nothing to do with the color green, or apples.
I wound up with pretty good SAT scores back in the day. So for all our readers of high school age, I hope a little Batman in your bowl does for you what the Costner crunch did for me. I hear Affleck cereal’s the bomb in milk, yo.