I fuggin WISH.
Nah, but I did see Predators this weekend and while it was everything I’d ever dreamed of in another movie about predators, it got me to thinking about action flicks and video games and how they pair perfectly like peanut butter and more delicious peanut butter and about how maybe I am a little tired of peanut butter. Maybe I would like a marmalade and cheese sandwich. Maybe I would like to change and grow as a human being. MAYBE I WOULD LIKE A VIDEO GAME NOT ABOUT SHOOTING ALIENS JUST ONCE AND ALSO PEANUT BUTTER IS FATTENING AND I WOULD LIKE TO WEAR SHORTS IN PUBLIC THIS SUMMER.
Anyway, I made a list of tv shows/movies (Anchorman!) I would like to see made into video games and why. You’re welcome.
1. 500 Days of Summer
You could (figuratively) shoot Zooey Deschanel’s character in the face! But not in a mean, illegal, horrifying way! Just in a “stop pretending you’re anything other than a bad Patsy Cline tribute artist it is embarrassing” kind of way! Shoot the manic pixie dream girl* and win the heart of Jo Go Lev! Sigh.
2. Say Anything
I picture this as an open world RPG like Fall Out 3 but with Three Dawg playing the Singles soundtrack over and over again. I figure you could play as Diane Court OR as Lloyd Dobler. Playing as Diane would mean a lot of puzzle games and solving the mystery of your Dad’s questionable business tactics and playing Lloyd would include kickboxing, key mastery, and collecting pens for health points. Yeah, I’d probably play as Lloyd too.
3. Step Brothers
Use the cheat code to place your balls on your brother’s drum set!!!
Staying classy while you fight Wes Mantooth and the Evening News Team at various popular San Diego landmarks would be pretty awesome and I would totally want to play as Veronica Corningstone even though my menstrual blood would attract bears. However, for every bear killed I’d level up so WHO IS THE BIG DEAL NOW HUH? (me).
One word: Gattacaction™. I’ll let you decide for yourselves what that means. (I think it means explosive wheelchairs and DNA grenades but I’m open to other ideas.)
7. The Room
I’m actually afraid to see this movie even though I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I must see it to understand the horribleness of Tommy Wiseau but really why would I when I could just play the XBox version?
8. Law and Order:SVU
OMG you could be Stabler or Benson or Munch or Ice T! Interrogations! Lineups! Pedophiles! Stabler in that entire denim outfit he always wears during casual stakeouts! Why is his butt so big? I WANT TO PLAY THIS GAME NOW!
No, YOU’RE a video game, mother!
10. True Blood
Hooker, I don’t even want to have a discussion about this. You know a True Blood game would be AMAZING. Werewolves, vampires, high school football players, a blonde girl with superpowers and I – wait..Buffy…never mind.
So, what television/film entertainment would you guys like to play on your Xstationboxpcpads? TELL ME.
*Please no one shoot anyone ever, thank you.