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Alison Haislip Reads the Deranged Sorority Girl Email (NSFW!)

You’ve already read the Deranged Sorority Girl email, and if you haven’t, you have to (basically, it’s a sorority girl at the University of Maryland reading the riot act to her sisters in incredibly profane and colorful terms). And then, play the video above, in which our pal Alison Haislip reads it in exactly the voice you’ll hear in your head when you read it. It’s very NSFW and very classic. If you’re sensitive to coarse language and offensive terms for various people, maybe you’ll want to skip this, but, really, it’s a classic meltdown and Slippy does a fantastic interpretation of it, so put skittishness aside and enjoy the majesty, including the creative use of the word “punt” in a manner not related to Chris Kluwe.

Now, if Gilbert Gottfried is available for a reading….

HT: Charlene Jimenez

alisonhaislipderangedsororitygirl

Comments

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  3. Why says:

    Why do people like this exist?

  4. Kel Warren says:

    Alison,
    Smashing read of the Sarority trip out is there anyway you can remake this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iE7ukc7MV-k

    Partnership for a drug free America PSA “brain on drugs”

  5. Es says:

    Off topic – I miss Alison’s blond hair

  6. T says:

    I was gang raped at the Sigma Nu house back in the 80’s in Bloomington Illinois. Please don’t let your sisters get drunk at social exchanges, take care of one another and don’t be naive in trusting your fraternity brothers.

  7. greentree38 says:

    Hey Slippy! That was totally awesome. And to anyone who thought this is what college is about. And not earning a degree to get a job someday should look in the mirror and ask “Why can’t I get a job in my field?” Maybe because you spent all your time in college worrying about your sorority and not studying.

  8. Chet says:

    Well, she did make some decent points…

  9. mike says:

    Good Job Allison, but when does the Samuel L Jackson version come out?

  10. Ricardo says:

    That was truly and completely amazing. I don’t think I’ve appreciated Alison enough in my life.

  11. Ashley says:

    Perfect.

  12. Julian says:

    Wow. Jack Daniels fueled thermonuclear meltdown with a nice big mushroom cloud on top. My heroine.

  13. Horrible Jones says:

    I watched this while pooping. This time it wasn’t in my pants.

  14. LJ says:

    God, this somehow makes me miss college. Slow clap for Alison.

  15. Brad Barnes says:

    Alison remains a genius, and her recitation of this deranged sorority girl’s rant simply reminds us that there is Haislip, and then there is everybody else!

  16. Vincent S says:

    Why does “Angry Bitch” Alison Haislip just make me want to see more of her? God dammit, great job Slippy/ Ms. Haislip.

  17. Tyler Marks says:

    um so convincingly well read that now i feel bad and want to apologize.

  18. Damn… that is unsugared truth and masterful delegation. And fucking scary.

    To everyone saying how hot this is– is there not anything else you can say about a woman speaking loudly that isn’t about how you are titillated by it like some sort of sexy spectacle?

  19. ArchGirl99 says:

    Alison nailed it! That was AWESOME, the tone matched the one in my head perfectly.

  20. Nexus(no not the wwe group) says:

    wow@gillian lay off on comments like that…it’s creepy if you haven’t noticed..

  21. JAMES says:

    Loved this rendition of this letter and I love the letter as well. I would love to meet the sorority girl – she sounds awesome. And performance is exactly what she intended when she wrote it. AWESOME!!!!

  22. Axel says:

    So funny.

  23. Thomas W. says:

    Whoa, nailed it! That was indeed exactly how it sounded in my head. And in the author’s head, probably.

  24. Kati says:

    Im just loving that the phrase “cunt punt” is now in existence

  25. Richard says:

    Wow…that…that was pure, distilled, 180 proof Awesome. I think it could be bottled, and sold to hospitals as a cure for…well, anything. Cancer would be scared of that performance. Major kudos to Alison, for a lovely performance. And a tip of the hat to the author, for a fairly well put together rant. It’s a dying art, I tell ya…

  26. jdawghatesyou says:

    I have the weirdest boner right now…

  27. David says:

    Funniest thing i have seen all week!

  28. Illusion-XIII says:

    You know, I really wasn’t expecting to have such mixed feelings about this. Usually, the idea of some out of control maniac spouting off obscenities pretty much makes me immediately loathe them and weep for the species as a whole.
    But somehow, despite my reservations, a small part of me couldn’t help thinking, “She’s got a point, I mean these girls clearly aren’t holding up their end of the social contract.” I know! The thought of even partially agreeing with this is just…
    Sooo instead, I’ll just focus on the fact that Alison’s performance was f**king awesome! She knocked the ball out of the park, then leaped the fence, chased it down and beat it to death with the bat! Sure, my crush on her is now tinged with a hint of unholy terror at her wrath, but that just makes it more exciting, right?

  29. JetpackBlues says:

    Between this and the referenced letter to Emmett C. Burns, Jr., I have to say….

    Keep it classy, Maryland *Power Fist*

  30. Eric Montoya says:

    That was the most amazingly beautiful thing I’ve witnessed all month. Holy baby Jesus that was hot.

  31. Diana says:

    Beautiful. Just beautiful.

  32. JetpackBlues says:

    đŸ˜¯ *shiver*

    The toe-tap at the end was awesome.

  33. Robert Payes says:

    AWESOME. Allie’s delivery was spot-fucking-ON.

  34. cerberus says:

    funny…cute…and complete showbiz bullshit

  35. HellraZr says:

    Hell yeah! This woman has some fire to her.. That’s pretty hot!

  36. Patty Marvel says:

    The writer has the mouth of a goodfella and the mentality of a twelve-year-old. This would be HILARIOUS except someone put this person in a leadership role, which she will put on her resume to get a management job someday. Yikes.

  37. Lauren says:

    This is fantastic! Well done. And I love the little heel tap at the very end. Perfection

  38. Taylor M. says:

    Nice to see my old college creating such positive and uplifting news.

  39. Ryan S says:

    Oh, jesus. I miss college. This was HILARIOUS.

  40. Jack Creed says:

    LOL! One of the many reasons I have a giant nerd crush on Alison Haislip.

  41. Paul says:

    Haislip killed it!!! She truly captured the angist and rage of a sorority girl.

  42. This guy says:

    Alison Haislip and NSFW just belong together. This is amazing.

  43. Chuck F says:

    Can we give the f%#$ing girl an f%#$ing Oscar?!?!

  44. Bowclave says:

    wow this was hot and good