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A Remote-Controlled Chainsaw is Obviously the Best Way to Cut Toilet Paper

Have you ever been in the bathroom and thought to yourself, “If only there was a better way to grab some toilet paper than using my hands!”? Well you’re in luck, because Mike—CEO of the Useless Duck Company—has yet another life-changing, time saving appliance to share with us. It’s a remote-controlled toilet dispenser! With a chainsaw!

In the video above, Mike describes the improvements he’s made since the last iteration of this crucial piece of tech. First, he turned the toilet paper around. Second, he added a piece of cardboard. Lastly, he turned the knife into a chainsaw. Add that to a small motor with a rubber band that spin the paper roll and BAM, seconds off your visit to the water closet. So simple, so effective, so incredibly necessary!

ToiletMachine_GIF

You may be worried about being anywhere near this invention, given that it goes through drywall like butter, but rest assured it is at least as safe as the previous appliance—a Jack Nicholson approach to getting TP. In this version, a cleaver head attempted to slice you a swatch of butt parchment. It didn’t work very well, hence the chainsaw upgrade.

No word yet on when the Toilet Paper Machine 2.0 will make it to market, but if I know the modern toilet user, popular demand should force it into production soon.

What do you think? Eager to work a chainsaw into your daily poo-tine? (Sorry not sorry.) Let us know in the comments below.

Images: Useless Duck Company

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