I just received this email from my pal Rainn Wilson-
“DEAR FRIENDS AND FAMILY-
Wednesday, August 20th is a truly historic day. It is Estonian
Independence day as well as the day when Sting wed his amazing wife,
the multi-talented and ravishing Ms. Trudy Skyler.
The best way I can think of to celebrate Estonian Independence and/or
Sting’s anniversary would be to go out and see my new movie, THE ROCKER
which opens on… you guessed it, August 20.
I won’t beg, but I will tell you in all confidence that if the film
does not make at least $17.29 million in it’s first 5 days of release
they will never ever ever let me star in a movie again. Ever.
Besides spreading the word to your friends and families and myspace
friends, here are some other helpful Rocker promotional ideas:
1) Kidnap strangers and force them to buy tickets at gunpoint.
2) Obtain a grant to round up your cities’ homeless population and
bring them to an ‘educational film’ about a former heavy metal drummer
pursuing his dream of rock and roll stardom
3) Take out a high interest bank loan and simply purchase EVERY SINGLE AVAILABLE TICKET OF EVERY SHOWING in your area.
4) Lure strangers into the theatre with the promise of illicit sex and/or drugs.
5) Tattoo “THE ROCKER, IN THEATERS AUGUST 20″ on your forehead.
6) Sit cross-legged in front of your local mall, douse yourself in
kerosene, and threaten to set yourself on fire unless every showing is
sold-out and all popcorn is free.
If you pass this email along to 1800 of your closest friends and family
and they pass it to 1800 of their closest friends and family and if
everyone who reads this brings 74 people with them to the multi-plex in
the first 3 days of release, I have calculated that 1.7 Billion people
will see THE ROCKER, making it the 3rd most viewed film in human
Also, it’s funny.
Estonia, Sting and I thank you for your time.
Let’s present a United Nerd Front to get Rainn into the $20 million dollar club. Why? Because millions of dollars are going to be distributed through the pneumatic pipes of the Entertainment business to someone. Would you prefer it be Katy Perry? OF COURSE YOU DON’T.