Look, let’s make one thing perfectly clear: I love my family. They’re wonderful people. There’s just something about being confined in such close automotive quarters that makes my blood boil and my eyesight go red. And so here is a list of things I would rather be stuck in than in a lengthy car ride during the holiday season with them or anyone, to be honest.
- A pit of quicksand. Yes, actual quicksand. You know, like in cartoons? Except in real life.
- A panic room with nothing but copies of Panic Room on DVD.
- A Sarlacc pit. Unlike Boba Fett, I wouldn’t try to escape. (And shut up, yes I know he’s currently Schrodinger’s Fett until he is recanonized.)
- In line at the DMV only to find out that I brought the wrong forms and I’ll have to proceed to the back of the queue and start over.
- The middle seat on an airplane. Look, somehow it’s less objectionable being in a sky-chair than stuck in terrestrial traffic.
- A theater showing the entire post-2006 cinematic oeuvre of Adam Sandler, and the doors are locked from the outside.
I’m not alone, either. Grumpy Cat, the Internet’s favorite perpetually prickly fractious feline, agrees with me. For day number eight of our ongoing 12 Days of Grumpy Cat Christmas Comics that we’re presenting with Dynamite Comics, the surly sourpuss waxes not-so-poetic about the existential hell that is being trapped on a seemingly never-ending car ride with your loved ones around the holidays.
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Sorry, Grumpy Cat, there’s nothing we can do for you. But, dear reader, we can help you avoid making the same mistake with our comprehensive holiday gift guides. Take a peek below to find the perfect gift for nerds of every stripe!
- The Movie Lover: everything from Studio Ghibli to Monty Python and beyond.
- The Music Nerd: Death Star speakers, Foo Fighters Christmas sweaters, and much more.
- The Gamer Geek: Limited edition PS4s, elite gaming headphones, and more.
- The Science Nerd: Neil deGrasse Tyson tees, miniature drones, and other science-y delights.
- The Comic Collector: The Sandman, The Walking Dead, The Sculptor, oh my!
- The TV Obsessive: Whovian cardigans, Iron Throne replicas, and box sets galore!
- The Star Wars Superfan: Everything you could want from the galaxy far, far away.
What gift would you buy Grumpy Cat for the holidays? Let us know in the comments below!